Once Upon A Time
by Ms. Perception
Summary: ...in a land not that far away there was an evil king that tried to take over the kingdom of Lima. This is the story of the fair maiden who wouldn't let his schemes get in the way of her royal destiny and the misfit pirates that helped her along the way.
1. Good Pirates Aren't So Hard to Find

**Summary:** Once upon a time, there was an evil king that tried to take over the kingdom of Lima. This is the story of the fair maiden who wouldn't let his schemes get in the way of her royal destiny and the pirates that helped her along the way.

**Pairings:** Finnchel, Tike, Samtana, possible future Puckleberry with some suggested Seblaine and Kurtofsky

**Warnings:** Despite what this section may have said before, this is in no way shape or form canon. This story does not contain any spoilers because it's a total A/U with only the barest hints of canon.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own this show or anything related to this show. If I did I assure you I wouldn't be writing stories about them. I would be fixing the hot mess they're making of certain characters!

**Author's Note:** As I mentioned in the Author's Note of another story, this is the fairytale story I've been working on. I've still got another few chapters to write out but I'm pretty much done with this story. So I figured I'd post it and see if anyone out there thinks it's worth finishing up. Hope you all enjoy!

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><p><strong>Good Pirates Aren't So Hard to Find<strong>

Once upon a time, in a land not so very different from the one we know now, there was a thriving, prosperous kingdom known as Carmel. The land was ruled by a handsome King and his beloved Queen. The people of Carmel adored their benevolent rulers for establishing a monarchy based on peace and diplomacy. They ruled for almost ten years without a single drop of blood being spilled in the name of Carmel. The kingdom flourished and the people had so many reasons to celebrate. But there was no celebration more spectacular than the one held to honor the birth of the heir to the throne. The King and Queen had their successor and the townspeople had another royal to honor and love. Life in the small kingdom was perfect.

But the peace was not meant to last. In a single night, the once peaceful and happy Carmel was pillaged and all but destroyed. Through the years, the knights grew complacent due to the lack of battle. They were unprepared for the brutal, savage and power hungry pirates led by Dustin the Black. He, with the aid of his lover, a woman from the village, attacked the kingdom, slaughtering those that chose to oppose him. Dustin's cruelty knew no limits. He murdered the entire royal family, including the newborn prince. Less than a year after they celebrated his birth, the townspeople gathered in secret to mourn his loss.

Dustin named himself supreme ruler of the land. The local woman that helped him became his Queen. Their son, who though young displayed the same ruthless tendencies of his father, was named prince of the land. With that the once great kingdom of Carmel fell to ruin. The people were starving and angry. But despite their troubles, no one forgot their former monarchs or the happy lives they once enjoyed. There were whispers of uprisings within the kingdom. Rebellions were started. Dustin's army was more alert than those of the former king and queen but it was becoming clear that Dustin's rule would soon no longer be tolerated. The rebellion was growing stronger every day. It would only be a manner of time before the seeds of mistrust and resentment grew into an actual threat. He knew it was time to set his sights on a new land to conquer, to strengthen his rule and remind his citizens that he was in charge. So he set his sights on the peaceful neighboring kingdom of Lima, ruled by King Burt, his beautiful Queen Carole and their two sons, Princes Kurt and Finn.

Now this is where our story truly begins. This is the story of how the evil King Dustin tried to conquer the land of Lima. It's mostly the story of the driven young maiden who wouldn't let her dreams of being the Queen of Lima be stopped by said evil king. It's a tale full of romance, misfit pirates, seers and an occasional song. Our story opens on a quiet, beautiful, sunny afternoon in the kingdom of Lima…..

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><p>"Lady Rachel!"<p>

Rachel suppressed the very un-lady like urge to scream as the dreaded voice grew nearer. She curled her body into a tighter position, hoping against hope that the one searching for her would simply walk away. But luck was not on her side. The curtains she was hiding behind were suddenly wrenched open revealing Tina, one of the two handmaidens assigned to her. The girl huffed and placed her hands on her hips looking down at her charge.

"Lady Rachel, we've been looking all over for you."

"Yes, I've heard," Rachel replied, dryly. "Congratulations, you've found me. So what is it this time, Tina? A dress fitting? Etiquette lessons? History lessons? Balancing an apple on the tip of my nose lessons?"

"Actually," Tina smiled slightly at her questions. "His Highness, Prince Finn, is requesting an audience with you."

Rachel's eyes widened and a smile curved her lips. Since she was chosen to be the prince's bride, her time with her future spouse was limited. When they were together, they rarely spoke. She talked to him about her dreams but it seemed that he was a million miles away. Despite being engaged for nearly three months, Rachel felt like she barely knew him and that just didn't seem right. She wasn't sure how a real marriage was supposed to work but she was fairly certain that one needed to spend a fair amount of time together. Then again, she really didn't have a solid basis for this theory as her parents were a dreadful comparison and pretty much the opposite of what she wanted out of life. They barely tolerated one another on good days and on bad days, she'd be lucky if she was able to repeat the insults they hurled at one another without making even the most inappropriate of sailors blush furiously.

"I didn't know he was back. I thought he was still away at sea."

"He must've come back when you were at your balancing an apple on the tip of your nose lesson," Tina teased. "Mercedes just informed me that he asked to meet with you."

"Do you know why he wants to meet with me?"

"Maybe he just missed his beautiful bride to be after three weeks at sea," Tina grinned. Rachel found herself smiling as well. She never had many friends as a child. And though she knew Tina and Mercedes were considered servants, Rachel couldn't help but look at the two women as friends, especially Tina. After all, they also knew what it was like to grow up without the money and privilege granted to the royal family.

Rachel climbed to her feet quickly. "How do I look?"

Tina brushed a piece of lint off her dress and smoothed back Rachel's unruly locks. "You look like a princess and someone I would be proud to call my queen."

Rachel impulsively hugged the maid. "Thank you, Tina. I have no idea what I would do without you here to keep me sane."

"You worry too much, Lady Rachel," Tina assured her. "Prince Finn will love you as much as we all do, if not more."

She smiled again and gave her friend one final hug. "Wish me luck."

"You don't need it. You're going to be fine."

Rachel nodded before heading out of her chambers in search of her future spouse. She had been living in the palace for the past three months and this was one of a handful of occasions where she would be spending time with the prince. Since she was a child, she knew she was destined to fall in love with a prince. When her mother was barely a month into her pregnancy with Rachel, she was approached by an old gypsy woman. The gypsy told the Lady Shelby that her daughter would grow to be beautiful, smart and talented. And more over, she would fall in love with a handsome and noble prince who would love her more than the sun and the stars. She would be his queen and they would have a love that would be told in stories for generations.

Rachel held onto this story because she needed it to be true. Her parents did not have the most… functional relationship. Her mother was born to a wealthy family that lost their fortune after Shelby's father was killed in a war. She was married to Hiram Berry in hopes that the marriage would help them to recoup their fortune. It did not. There was no love in the marriage between Shelby and Hiram. Shelby longed for a life as more than just a wife, and soon a mother and Hiram longed for more than just a wife. Rachel knew she was loved to an extent but she would never be either of her parents' priority. She would never be the reason they woke up in the morning or lived. And she wanted that more than anything in the world.

At any rate, Rachel grew up knowing this future and instead of buckling under the crushing weight of knowing she was destined for royalty, Rachel wore her mantle high and carried herself in a royal manner in her daily life. She wasn't very bothered by the fact that she did not actually know a prince. She was sure that when the time came, the prince would reveal himself. She would await his revelation. And she did until a month after her seventeenth birthday when she very literally ran into his Royal Highness, Prince Finn. It was love at first sight. She knew when she met him that he was her future. He had to be at any rate. She definitely wasn't going to any other kingdoms to find a prince. Besides the closest kingdom to Lima was Carmel and she heard about the prince of Carmel. Everyone heard the stories about Prince Jesse and how his father came into power. That was definitely not a road she wanted to travel down. Ever.

So she did everything in her power to be noticed by the handsome prince of Lima. She had strong competition from some of the wealthier and better connected women in the town but Rachel had persistence and dogged determination on her side. Not to mention, some rather low connections and very little moral compunctions about sending the competition to dangerous locations. She was sure that one day she would feel bad about the steps she took to get rid of the foreign princess who was almost as talented and beautiful as her. But that day wasn't today. It most likely wouldn't be any day soon either. Rachel was driven and determined to make sure that the prophecy of her life came true. She knew that her love for Finn would be the story of ages. She just had to get him on board with this plan.

From what she understood of love (again, her parents were not suitable examples of this), there was a feeling almost akin to butterflies in your stomach when you saw your special someone. While the prince was handsome, noble and sweet, she just didn't feel butterflies. She wondered if he felt them for her. She wondered if she was his sun and stars. Or would those feelings grow over time? A small part of her wondered if she was supposed to love someone else but forcing herself to love Finn because she wanted to fit a certain role. But she promptly pushed that thought out of her mind. That was just ridiculous. She was supposed to be with Finn and that was that.

"You're late."

Rachel stopped short, unaware that she had arrived at her destination. Though she hadn't spent a large amount of time with her fiancée, she was reasonably sure that the man seated in the center of the room was not Finn. She eyed him critically before meeting his steady gaze. The blue eyes of the King stared back at her and she realized that she was looking at Prince Kurt. She had even fewer interactions with the prince but she was assured by all those that met him that he was a bit different than his brother. The rumor was that he preferred to lie in the company of men and not women. Rachel didn't care much about that. The family's doctor was gay as well and he was a lovely man. Her father spent a lot of time with him and they were friends. Wait…. She forced herself away from that particular topic, shelving it for another day and focused on the prince in front of her.

"I wasn't aware that I was supposed to be meeting with you, your highness," Rachel curtseyed, falling back on her manners. "I apologize for my tardiness."

"Yes, well," Kurt sniffed dismissively. "I apologize for deceiving you, Lady Rachel. I just wanted to meet the woman who was marrying my brother."

Rachel tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She didn't know the princes were close. This should've been in her research. She always had the impression that Kurt thought his slightly older stepbrother was foolish. But perhaps she was mistaken as he was clearly concerned about his brother's welfare.

"It is an honor to meet you, your highness."

"Come now, have a seat. Let's chat," he motioned towards the chair across the table from him. She sat down, wondering where this conversation was headed. "Now, Lady Rachel, your father is a lawyer and your mother is a former courtesan."

"Yes, that is correct."

"And I've heard that you have no royal blood."

"None, your highness."

"I also heard that you believe that there is a prophecy saying that you would marry a prince and have some epic love story."

Rachel felt her cheeks flush. She had a good idea who told him that story as there were only two people aside from her parents that knew the tale. She made a mental note never to say another word around Mercedes. She knew Tina wouldn't spill a word to anyone. She had the most adorable stutter when she was face to face with any of the royals. So it was definitely Mercedes. Rachel was going to kill her one of these days. She forced herself back in the moment as she realized the prince was still staring. Kurt's eyes assessed her carefully and with enough scrutiny to make her feel even more insignificant than she already did.

"So I have to ask, Lady Rachel," Kurt said, leaning forward resting his head on his hands. "How much do you really love my brother?"

"If you're implying that I'm only marrying your brother for a story, then you're mistaken," Rachel replied, forgetting momentarily that she was still speaking to the prince of the land. "I know that I haven't spent much time with your brother but in the time that we have spent together I've seen that he has a good heart. He's kind. He's gentle. He will make an amazing king, almost as good as your father before him. That is why I love him."

Kurt sat back in his seat with a thoughtful expression on his face. "Well," he said finally. "That was a good answer."

"Do I pass your test, your majesty?" she could hardly help the bitter edge in her voice. Kurt smiled brightly.

"Yes, I suppose you do. Although I do wonder what a girl like you is doing marrying an oaf like my brother."

"But I thought…"

"I love Finn," Kurt corrected. "He's my brother, so I suppose I'm obligated to love him. But I'm also aware of his great many flaws. You're different than all of the others girls that toss themselves in his direction. You're capable of counting past five without using two hands at the very least. You have a personality. I don't want to see that diminished."

Rachel blinked. That was definitely not where she saw this conversation going. She smoothed her hair back carefully. "I thank you for your concern, your Majesty, but I don't believe it will be necessary."

Kurt smiled tightly. "I suppose it won't, since you're destined to have an epic love story and all."

Rachel resisted the urge to roll her eyes. It wouldn't do for to insult her future brother-in-law. She already worried about her impending wedding to the prince. She didn't need to have bludgeoning his brother being held against her. No, she was a patient girl. She could definitely wait until after the wedding for that to happen.

"If your Majesty has no further need for me, I will excuse myself now," she said, with an exaggerated air of formality. She rose from her seat as Kurt nodded his permission. She was halfway out the door when he called her name.

"Sometimes we only see what we want to see," he spoke almost in a whisper. "After my mother died, my father did his best to raise me…. to try to understand me. He tried to ignore the things about me that made me different. But now he accepts me for who I am. True, Finn will be the one to inherit the throne but it's nice knowing that my father still loves me."

Rachel's aggressive stance softened as she looked back at the prince. "That must be a nice feeling."

"It is," Kurt mustered a smile. "But I didn't tell you that to gain your pity, Rachel. I need you to know that true love, whether it's with a parent or a husband, means accepting a person for who they really are. It means you don't have to change yourself to fit into some preconceived notion or destiny."

"I thank you for your advice and for sharing that information with me," Rachel replied, formally. "I will keep that in mind."

Kurt opened his mouth to respond but a loud commotion coming from the main hall caught both their attention. Without even realizing it, Rachel was racing down the narrow corridors of the castle with a heavy feeling growing in her stomach. Her feet led her straight to where a crowd was gathered around a beaten down night. With the heavy feeling increasing, Rachel recognized him as David, one of the knights assigned to protect the prince while they were on a diplomatic mission.

"David," the queen started as she swept into the room, followed closely by her husband. "What's happened? Where is Finn?"

The knight kneeled down, though the act was clearly causing him pain. Rachel stepped forward to help him to his feet, surprised when Kurt did the same, though his touch lingered longer on the knight than was really necessary. The knight did not seem to mind. Interesting... She noticed that Carole's appraising eye landed on her briefly before turning back to David.

"Your highness, I am so sorry," he grunted, visibly riding out a wave of pain. "A few days ago we were on our way back to the castle when we were overtaken by pirates, or who we thought were pirates. We knew it was our mission to protect the prince at all costs. Most of the knights were killed before we were finally overcome and taken aboard their ship."

Carole's eyes filled with tears as Burt pulled her into an embrace. His eyes were kind as he looked at his injured knight. "Please continue, David."

"Yes, my lord. Once on their ship we were transported to the kingdom of Carmel and met with King Dustin. He killed all but me and Prince Finn. He sent me back to deliver a message."

"And what would be the message?"

"That you are to surrender control over the kingdom to Dustin by next month or he will send the prince home…. in pieces."

There was a horrified gasp from within the crowd and the queen broke down sobbing. Rachel saw the life and dreams that she had fall apart in that very moment.

"David," Burt's voice cut through her thoughts. "How serious do you think Dustin is about his claims? Do you really think he intends to harm Finn if we don't surrender the kingdom to him?"

David's dark eyes flashed briefly. Rachel didn't want to imagine the thoughts that were playing on repeat in his mind. "My family was originally from Carmel. My mother was able to leave with my brothers and myself when Dustin laid siege to the land. My father did not make it. Dustin was unrelenting in his attacks. He is solely responsible for wiping out the entire true royal family of Carmel, my lord. Including a barely two month old infant son. Dustin doesn't know the meaning of mercy. He slaughtered my entire unit without a single moment of hesitation, my lord. He means what he threatens. He will kill the prince if we do not surrender."

Burt sighed heavily. "I hate to admit this but you're right. I don't think we have a choice in the matter. How long will it take to send a messenger to Carmel to tell them of our decision?"

"Wait, what?" Rachel blurted without thinking. She was suddenly the center of attention. "I apologize, your highness."

"No," Carole shook her head. "I want to hear what you have to say on the matter, Lady Rachel. While he may be our son, he is also your future husband. I believe you should have an opportunity to voice your opinion on the matter."

Rachel nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I suppose that what I was trying to ask is…. Why would you even consider listening with him? I understand that he killed people but he faced a handful of guards. You still have at least thirty able bodied soldiers that are capable of fighting for the honor of the kingdom. You cannot seriously be considering surrendering the kingdom."

"Yes, Lady Rachel, I can," Burt retorted. "Finn may not be my son by birth but he is truly my son and the heir to this kingdom. I would do anything to keep him and the people of this kingdom safe. You were probably only a small child when Carmel was all but destroyed but I remember it very clearly. I cannot allow that to happen to Lima."

"But it will happen to Lima if you surrender to Dustin," Rachel returned, sharply. "You say that the prince is your heir but what good is it being his heir if you've surrendered his birthright to someone else?"

"Are you worried about losing your right to be Queen?" Kurt asked. His voice was like ice and Rachel felt his piercing gaze boring holes into her head. She really couldn't wait until she and Finn were married so she could really let the younger prince know exactly what she though of him. But for now….

"This has nothing to do with me!" she protested. "This has everything to do with Lima! You're saying that you're going to surrender? I do know what Carmel was like. My mother was from there as well. She told me stories of how Carmel used to be. I don't want to be telling my children stories of how Lima used to be!" she shook her head. "Your Highness, you have an army. You should be fighting against Dustin, not backing down to his demands."

"He is our son," Carole said, simply. "His safety means everything to us."

There was nothing left to say. If she continued to argue against their plan then Kurt would probably feel pressed to tell them about her ridiculous story. And while she was partially this upset because, yes, it would mean giving up a goal she had for her entire life, she was also upset because she loved Lima. She remembered the wistful tone in her mother's voice when she would tell her about Carmel. It was a land that cherished the arts and music. Her mother told her how they would have competitions just for singing. There wouldn't be a point to any of these competitions, they were only for fun. And it was fun. She didn't want the same sorry fate to befall Lima. But it seemed that she was in the minority on that.

"I apologize for my outburst," Rachel bowed, slightly. "It won't happen again. Now if you'll excuse me. I believe I have a history lesson to attend." She spun on her heels and walked briskly away from the main hall.

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><p>"I know I don't have years of fancy education behind me, but I'm reasonably sure that this is not your history lesson."<p>

Rachel was startled from her tumultuous thoughts at the sound of the almost musical voice. She glanced up to see Tina standing over her. Wordlessly, she shifted over, silently inviting the maid to sit beside her. Following her unsuccessful plea to the king and queen, Rachel stormed out of the castle and towards the beach. The fondest memories of her childhood (and they were few and far between) were had right here on this very beach. The family picnics were the rare times she witnessed her parents getting along. In those moments, it was almost as if they actually liked one another. As she grew older, the beach became her special place to hide away from the toxicity of her parents' failing marriage.

"Are you alright, Lady Rachel?"

"I suppose you should call me Rachel as I am not likely to be marrying Prince Finn any time soon. Not if his parents or brother have anything to say about it."

Tina leaned into her shoulder. "I wouldn't worry about that. You're worried about the prince but I know you're also worried about the kingdom. Those are very admirable qualities in a queen."

Rachel felt a smile tugging at her lips. "Anyone ever tell you that you're really smart? Why are you wasting all your potential changing sheets for the royal family?"

"Well, it wasn't always my dream to be a maid," Tina smiled sadly. "I actually dreamed of being a chef. My family owned a bakery. But unfortunately two years ago my parents were killed in a fire at the bakery. I managed to escape but I lost everything in the process. My home, my family and any means of making a living. I needed to make money to survive and short of becoming a pirate, this was the easiest way. Although, in retrospect, being a pirate seems way more fun."

Rachel giggled before the events of earlier came crashing back bringing a wave of melancholia. "The knights are scared."

"Well, the siege on Carmel was very scary," Tina pointed out. "The man killed a baby. Actually, I heard he forced his son to do it, but the point is that the guy had a baby murdered. It's a shame too. Supposedly everyone loved the little prince too. Rumor has it that women were actively trying to get pregnant so that they could have their children marry the prince. And not just because he was gorgeous. There were stories about him too. He was supposed to be a great hero one day. The people there still sing songs about him."

"Oh, so he had a prophecy too," Rachel rolled her eyes. "I'm starting to think those things are just a joke. He died when he was less than a year old, so he was hardly a hero. And I'm going to marry the former prince of Lima. Of course, that's if his parents allow the marriage after that scene back there. Most likely not. Also we're assuming that Dustin doesn't just kill him before they manage to relay the message of surrender."

"We're in the dark place," Tina murmured to no one in particular. "Lady… Rachel, I don't want you to beat yourself down. I believe in our town. Lima is too great to fall to the hands of Dustin. Somehow we will overcome this. We will get Prince Finn back and you'll get married and have lots of fat, happy babies."

Rachel smiled reluctantly. "Maybe. But not if the knights are too scared to fight against him. And they are. They'll never go against Dustin."

"We need pirates."

Rachel gave the maid a look out the corner of her eye. "Are you reliving your daydream again?"

"No, hear me out. The knights are too scared to fight against Dustin because he's a former pirate (still kind of is) and he's used to be all bloodthirsty, evil and grr. What we need is a group of pirates to fight against those pirates!"

"Because there are just random groups of pirates lounging about the beach waiting to offer their services to the kingdom?"

She meant that to be sarcastic, she honestly did. But during the lull in their conversation, almost as if on cue, Rachel heard the faint sounds of a scuffle followed by loud laughter. She and Tina exchanged hesitant looks before creeping in the direction the sounds were coming from. There was a group of three young men standing together. Their attention was not on the two girls who were slowly approaching them but rather on the two people fighting in the middle of their semi circle. Rachel stopped in her tracks as she watched the pair almost move around one another fluidly with their swords.

"It's almost like a dance," Tina whispered in awe. Rachel nodded in response, too caught up in their movements to comment aloud. After a few minutes of continued attacks with little results, the two abandoned their swords and resorted to less than ethical attacks. Rachel couldn't help the smile that formed when she saw the taller of the fighters fall, pinned to the sand by the full body weight of his foe.

"Say 'uncle'," the clear victor of the match crowed.

"Never!" Fingers danced up his sides, producing laughter. He squirmed away from the touch but the person held on tighter. "Ok! Ok! Uncle!"

"Ha! I win!"

But the victory was short lived. In a move that she had never seen before, the former loser lurched upwards with his hips throwing his opponent off of him, sending them crashing to the ground beside him. By the time the fallen combatant recovered, the young man was back on his feet, smirking. Even from where they stood, Rachel could make out the laughing hazel eyes that gazed down triumphantly at their friend.

"You were saying?"

"Puck! You cheated, you bastard!"

"Is that what you're going to tell someone who tries to kill you for real?" the man apparently known as Puck asked, smugly.

There was a round of applause and all eyes were flickering slightly to their left at a slightly older man. His curly sandy brown hair glinted in the setting sunlight as he crossed the beach to stand beside the gloating young man.

"Well done, Puck. I see you're finally taking all those lessons about fighting dirty to heart."

"Yeah, well once you eat dirt enough, you get the hint," he shrugged. "Isn't that right, Sam? Oh, wait, that's a lesson you have yet to learn as you eat dirt during every training session."

A blonde in the crowd flipped him the finger looking down at the figure still sprawled across the sandy ground. "You ok, San?"

"Yeah, just hurt my ass and my pride," the short lived winner lamented, rising to their feet. It was then that Rachel noticed the hat had fallen off during their skirmish revealing long black hair. Rachel felt her jaw drop as she realized that the young man was actually a woman. "So basically I'm just you yesterday."

Sam rolled his eyes, grumbling good naturedly. "That's hardly fair. I was up against both of you. I've yet to meet anyone that can best either one of you."

"My uncle insisted upon the finest education growing up," Puck grinned. "The finest physical education at any rate. I'm pretty sure I could kill you with a bobby pin."

"I know I can," Santana said, smiling in his direction.

Rachel suppressed the involuntary squeak that almost escaped when she felt Tina insistently tugging on the sleeve of her dress. "What?" she hissed. Tina held a finger up against her lips, pulling Rachel further down the beach. "What's gotten into you?"

"They're pirates!"

"Thank you for stating the obvious, Tina. I noticed that already!" Rachel snapped. "But they're foolish to go this far inland. Lima has very strict piracy laws."

Lady... Rachel, don't you get it? They're pirates. You saw how they fought. They're good. Maybe we could ask them to help us save the prince!"

Rachel chewed on her lip hesitantly. On the one hand, the plan was completely insane. To even consider asking a pirate for assistance was pretty much in line with treason. Pirates were absolutely forbidden in Lima. But on the other hand, they were excellent fighters and they didn't seem to be the type that scared easily. If she could convince them to help her, she was confident that they could definitely free the prince with little effort.

"Fine, let's try," she finally replied aloud, though Tina had been watching her facial reactions and knew when she came to a decision. She let out a happy squeal before dragging her back to where they saw the pirates. Rachel realized that they were better than they originally thought when they found themselves staring down six separate swords. The female pirate was toying with the end of a braided strand of her hair which had several decorations, one of which was a razor blade. Scary. "Hi?"

Puck rolled his eyes, looking over to the older man that praised him earlier. "I'm pretty sure they're harmless."

"Santana looks harmless. She damn near killed a man with her hair tie the other day," a bespectacled man that looked more at home in a library than carrying a sword commented idly. Still there was a cool determination in the blue eyes that stared back at her and Tina. Though he was steady, Rachel noticed that one leg trembled and he seemed to be placing more weight on the more stable leg. "And that was because he wouldn't give her extra ale."

"I like my ale," Santana shrugged.

For the first time in her life, Rachel was afraid. This plan was incredibly stupid. She couldn't believe she let Tina talk her into this one. They were going to die on the beach at the hands of a group of pirates that appeared to be, at best, functionally insane.

The older man cleared his throat, ignoring the sigh of relief that escaped both girls' lips as the swords were lowered in the process. "Now, how can I be of assistance to you?"

Rachel cleared her throat. In for a penny, in for a pound…. "My name is Lady Rachel of Lima. I am soon to be the future Queen of Lima. This is my handmaiden, Tina."

"Bored now," Puck muttered. The older man glared at him. "Whatever. Continue, sweetheart."

"That's Lady Rachel to you, pirate."

"See that's the problem with the upper class," Santana said. Her sword was mysteriously replaced by a large knife that she was casually using to clean her nails. "They assume that just because we're pirates, we're uncivilized."

"You'll have to excuse my crew," the older man spoke up. "They're not normally this bratty. They're actually quite worse." He smiled and Rachel slowly felt herself relax. "My name is Will. I'm the captain of the New Directions ship. This is my crew. My first mate, Sam, and our second mate, Mike."

He gestured towards the blonde and a tall man, around the same age as the majority of the crew. He was thin, obviously of Asian descent and quite clearly Tina's taste in men. Her former maid turned Pirate recruiting best friend forever was very much drooling over him.

"Wait, I thought I was first mate this week."

"No," Sam said, peevishly. "It's so my week. You were first mate last week and the week before. Stop being a first mate hog!"

"Both of you quit it," Puck grunted. "It really doesn't even matter. Neither of you do anything remotely resembling any kind of duty anyway."

"This is true," they murmured in unison. Will gave them a fond look before moving along with the introductions.

"Anyway, this my lieutenant, Santana, and our sailing master, Artie." The latter was now leaning against Mike, rubbing the leg that Rachel noticed earlier. He paused to nod in their direction before working out the cramp in his leg. "And last, but not least, quartermaster and gunner, Puck."

The young man, who she could now see was still a teenager himself, tipped his head in a facsimile of a bow. "To what do we owe the honor of meeting with the future queen of the terribly enlightened kingdom of Lima?"

Rachel was fairly certain he meant that to be insulting but she chose to ignore it. See, she was already demonstrating royal qualities. She was going to be the bigger person. Besides, it probably wouldn't do well to snap back at the people you needed help from that also had the knowledge, capacity and the readily accessible weapons necessary to kill you. "I require your assistance in a very important matter regarding the royal family."

Will nodded thoughtfully. "Not interested," he said, finally. Rachel's jaw dropped.

"But... it's involves Prince Finn! He's been… been kidnapped and the evil doers are requesting that the king surrender the whole kingdom in exchange for the prince's return."

Puck shrugged, stealing Santana's knife and absently twirling it between his fingers. He kept his eyes on her, almost as if he was oblivious to the sharp, dangerous blade dancing over his fingers. "Sounds like they already have a solution to their problem. So what do you need us for?"

"You heard the part about King Burt having to surrender the kingdom?"

"Again, sounds like there is a solution. Why do you need us?"

Rachel growled. "That is not a solution! That's a horrible idea. He's going to give this kingdom to a bunch of pirates."

Puck's eyes flashed and the knife stopped moving. "So your genius idea was to ask a bunch of pirates to help you? I don't know why. Whole thing sounds like a damn good idea to me. Maybe we should've thought about that first, Captain. Especially since the kingdom is apparently full of weaklings. It would've been easy pickings!"

"Puck," Will said in a low voice but the warning there was very clear. The younger man backed off, somewhat, though the knife was twitching in his hand again. "I apologize, Lady Rachel, if you didn't get from this what you wanted but my crew is not exactly in the habit of helping out the royal family. Especially since its Prince Finn that has been the most vocal about his distaste for pirates. He has been pushing for stronger regulations on our movements and a lot more lethal punishments should we be caught. Not exactly inclined to help someone that would rather see our heads displayed on pikes."

Rachel could feel the tears welling in her eyes. She tried to push them back but they wouldn't be ignored. "You have to help. It's not just about the prince. It's also about this kingdom. If it is forfeit, then everything that makes Lima great will be lost."

"We're not even from Lima," Santana replied. "Well, I don't know. Puck, where exactly are you from again?"

Puck's lips twisted as he glanced at Will. The captain patted him on the shoulder. "We're not from Lima either. I'm sorry to hear about troubles, Lady Rachel. I hope that it all works out for you. Ok, guys, I need you….."

"Please!" Rachel interrupted, dropping to her knees. "You don't understand. It's my destiny to marry a prince. A seer told my mother that before I was born and they're rarely ever wrong, so it has to be true. Prince Finn is my fiancée, my destiny! He won't be a prince if they go through with this surrender. That means that I've done a lot of bordering on illegal and definitely immoral things for nothing. And, really, I know that you're not from Lima but you can appreciate the beauty of our land, can't you? Seriously, do pirates appreciate beauty? Probably not based on the average pirate's hygiene habits but I can attest to that fact that Lima is beautiful and amazing. But it won't stay that way if Dustin takes over here too. And he will if you don't help me get back my destiny, I mean, the prince."

She could see the visible change in the captain as she finished her desperate rambling. Will's eyes took a more serious glint than held during the entire exchange. Before this moment, she didn't truly understand how this man was captain to the rather scary looking teenagers. But she got it now. She really did not want to be on the receiving end of that look. "I'm sorry. Did you say, Dustin?"

"Yes," she stammered slightly. "He is the one that took Prince Finn. He is demanding that the king and queen surrender Lima to his custody by the beginning of next month or he will kill the prince."

Will's face darkened before a frosty smile spread across his face. Finally, he turned to his silent crew. "Alright, gang, let's pack it up. Looks like we'll be setting sail sooner than we thought. We're on a mission to save a prince."

"Oh, what the hell?"

"Are you serious?"

"Really?"

"This is going to be interesting. We're so going to die."

All at once the crew began grumbling, but Rachel noticed that they were all still moving forward, after Puck pointedly cleared his throat. Then the crew was gone, even Will was already heading back to the ship. They were all gone except for Puck, his glare and that really big knife. Said knife was clenched tightly in his left fist as he looked at Rachel. She felt a shiver run down her spine, though she wasn't sure if that was solely attributed to fear.

"I get that you want to save your fiancée, or your destiny, or whatever the hell, but I need you to know one thing. This crew is my family. They mean more to me than your prince or the entirety of this stupid kingdom. If something happens to even one of them, I promise you that the things I will do to this town will make Dustin look like a saint in comparison. Do you understand?"

Rachel swallowed, nodding. That answer was apparently enough as he stalked away from them. That feeling just now? She was definitely now feeling all fear. He threw a look over his shoulder at the two women who were still rooted to their places, never pausing in his furious walk. "You coming or what? We set sail in an hour."

Rachel threw Tina a pointed glare. "Still thinking that asking for help from pirates was an awesome idea?"

"A little less," Tina replied, with a shrug. She cocked her head to the side with her eyes riveted on the angry pirate ahead. "Is it wrong that I'm a little turned on right now?"

Rachel wanted to argue with the maid but honestly she kind of saw what Tina found so fascinating about the man. He did have a nice body… especially those arms. They were lovely… and he was a pirate that just threatened to kill him. She shouldn't be finding any part of him lovely. Damn, she was more messed up about the prince than she thought. Yes, that had to be it. Well, that was her story and she was sticking to it.

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><p>*The end. No, I'm kidding. I already have most of the second chapter written if anyone is interested in reading it. So I hope you enjoyed. Ciao for now!<p> 


	2. Even Pirates Crave Love and Chocolate

**Summary:** Once upon a time, there was an evil king that tried to take over the kingdom of Lima. This is the story of the fair maiden who wouldn't let his schemes get in the way of her royal destiny and the pirates that helped her along the way.

**Pairings:** Finnchel, Puckleberry, Tike, Bartie, Samtana, possible future hinted Klaine with some strongly suggested Seblaine and Kurtofsky

**Warnings:** Despite what this section may have said before, this is in no way shape or form canon. This story does not contain any spoilers because it's a total A/U with only the barest hints of canon.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own this show or anything related to this show. If I did I assure you I wouldn't be writing stories about them. I would be fixing the hot mess they're making of certain characters!

**Author's Note:** I'm glad people are enjoying this one as much as I'm enjoying writing it. Here is the second chapter. It gives a little more insight into Pirate!Puck and should add some more thoughts to a few of the theories I've seen tossed around in the reviews section. I'm not going to say if anyone is on the right track but I'm glad to see that people are coming up with theories. You guys are the best! Ciao for now!

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><p><strong>Even Pirates Crave Love... And Chocolate<br>**

Puck leaned against the rails, watching the waves below them as the New Direction sailed through the blue ocean water. Normally the lapping of the waves against the ship and the gentle rocking motions of the boat was soothing when he felt angry or sad. Most children had lullabies or teddy bears growing up, Puck had the ocean. He grew up here. He felt comfortable here. Or rather he did. While there were so very many reasons why he was so uncomfortable, the one that bothered him the most was the captain. Puck never saw that look before. He was familiar with almost all of the man's facial expressions. But the cold yet furious look that crossed his features in that moment was an alien expression to Puck. That should've been impossible. After all the man raised him. He was supposed to know everything about him but Puck suddenly realized in that moment that he actually knew nothing important about the man.

"I thought I'd find you out here."

He didn't jump at the sudden voice of the man occupying his thoughts. After all, he did raise him and they were family. Just a little bit more family than the others. Puck tore his eyes away from the water to focus on the captain.

"Well, you found me. Are your guests settling in?"

Will frowned, stepping next to the teenager. "What's on your mind, Noah?"

Puck's jaw clenched. "You're sure we're alone enough for you to be tossing out the real name, Captain?"

"What's on your mind, Noah?" Will asked, stressing his real name. It was a name that was used only between the pair, and occasionally Santana. The others only called him Puck. When he heard his birth name, he knew he could relax and just be Noah with his uncle William. With a deep sigh, Puck felt himself give in.

"Who is Dustin? And what is it about him that makes you so angry that you're willing to help a most likely insane princess free some pathetic prince?"

Will took a deep breath before resting his elbows on the rail next to Puck. "Do you know why we're probably the world's worst pirates?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Because despite Santana's enjoyment for playing with sharp knives and threatening people, we all pretty much freak at the idea of actually killing someone. And any time we do steal something, one of us always ends up leaving a note apologizing for it and Artie's even taken to leaving coins behind to make up for what we stole. Not exactly on par with the pirate code."

Will smiled. "Yes, we do kind of suck at it. But that's because being a pirate wasn't exactly my dream for the future. I definitely had loftier dreams for you. It wasn't your parents' occupational choice for you either."

Puck shifted. They rarely, if ever, talked about his parents. He knew they died a long time ago. He knew that his mother was Will's sister. He knew that they loved him very much. He knew that he could play guitar like his mother and could sing like his father (his mother couldn't carry a tune to save her life apparently). But that was all he knew. It was all he really needed to know honestly. Because knowing anything more than that wasn't going to bring them back. And despite the fact that he raised him to be a non violent pirate along with the most eclectic crew in the world, Puck knew that he had his uncle and he didn't need anything more. Or so he thought, because now there was a quickly growing burning want to know more.

"Did…. Is…" he stumbled, unsure of how to continue. "Does this Dustin person have something to do with my parents?"

"He has everything to do with your parents. He is the one that killed them."

His throat felt suspiciously tighter. "We're from Carmel, then? We were there when the siege started?"

"Yes," Will confirmed, his voice was barely a whisper but the sound pounded in Puck's head. "You were a baby. Barely a year old when he struck. But you should know that the stories got it wrong. That's understandable. Most people don't really want to acknowledge the truth."

"That is?"

"Dustin was from Carmel," Will replied. His hands clenched the railing tightly. "That was why he was able to take over so quickly. No one expected the attack from one of their own. But moreover Dustin was… my best friend. I loved him as a brother. We were a lot like you, Sam, Mike and Artie."

Puck nodded. He tried to imagine a world where he wasn't on the same side as even one of the three and he failed miserably. They were such a part of his life that just the thought of one of them betraying him in such a way caused his heart to hurt.

"So you understand now," Will's lips twisted into a frown. "He took the trust that he had developed with the people of the land and turned it against them. He slaughtered those that tried to take a stand against him, including your parents." Will paused, and Puck could see the tears in his eyes. He couldn't offer any comfort though as he felt tears stinging his own eyes. "Your father was the first to fall under Dustin's blade. He took his time with your mother but I suppose that worked out in our favor because it was enough time for me to find her. Not enough to save her though. But I found her and she made me promise her something with her dying breath."

"What was that?" Puck asked, voice trembling.

"She made me promise to protect you. She made me promise that I would get you far away from Carmel and never look back until you were old enough."

"Old enough for what?"

"To understand," Will muttered, his eyes gazing at the water. "Until you were old enough to understand what happened, what we lived through and…. why I have to kill that man. Why I have to avenge not only the loss of your parents but also my own wife and son."

Puck swallowed heavily. "I guess that I do understand all that…. But Uncle Will?"

"Yeah, kiddo?"

"Can you make me a promise?"

Will smiled faintly. "Of course. What do you want me to promise?"

"That I won't lose another family member to Dustin," Puck replied, firmly. "I cannot afford to you lose you. Like it or not, you're literally all the family I have left in the world. That means a lot to me. please don't lose yourself on this blood vengeance thing. I know you think that you have to kill Dustin but… killing him won't bring any of them back. I just need you to think about that. promise me that you'll still be you at the end of all of this."

His uncle turned around to face him completely. Will lifted a hand and rested it on Puck's cheek. "I promise."

"Good," Puck sighed, relief coursing through him. "I would hate to lose you to save some crazy girl's fantasy."

"Oh, come on, she's not so bad."

"She's loud. And her voice kind of makes me want to set myself on fire," Puck mumbled. "I mean sure she's pretty but I think she may be more insane than Satan."

"Stop calling her that," Will warned, rolling his eyes. "And Lady Rachel is not insane."

"She actually thinks that using a bunch of pirates against another pirate is a good idea. And somehow she managed to find us! We're like absolutely the worst pirates in the world and she gets us. It's just a fluke that the pirate she's trying to kill happens to be the pirate that you murdered the hell out of our family or else we'd all be totally screwed."

Will snorted, shaking his head. "I don't think it's a fluke. I think it's fate."

Puck rolled his eyes. "Not you too. She's got you going on about the same crazy shit she's been babbling about since she got on board."

"She's not insane," Will chastised. "She just believes in a prophecy. That's not crazy. I believe in one too."

"Really?" he drawled, tipping his head to the side. "Is it a prophecy that says that one day we're going to be rich beyond our dreams and living it up in a mansion somewhere? Because that's a prophecy I can totally get behind."

Puck paused at the look in his uncle's eyes. It was that same wistful sad look he had when he talked about Puck's parents. "A seer was there when you were born. She said you had a great destiny ahead of you. She said that you would be a great man."

He snorted. "And that's how you know they're full of it. I'm a pirate."

"A non violent pirate that leaves notes behind at pillaging sites."

"But I'm still a pirate," Puck countered. "According to the loud bossy Princess down there, that's the equivalent of being a kid toucher or something."

Will smirked. "That's the second time you've actually bought her up on your own... You like her, don't you?"

Puck cursed as he felt his face heat up. "No! No, I don't like her! Like I said, she's attractive, but she's loud and crazy and fire! She makes me want to set myself on fire. And… and even if I did like her, she's engaged, remember? We're off sailing to find her stupid prince fiancée that she's destined to marry."

Will nodded his head. "Seers are rarely ever wrong. I get a feeling that it's all going to work out. I believe that Lady Rachel will marry her prince. And one day, you'll achieve your great destiny. You'll be the hero you were always meant to be."

Puck narrowed his eyes. "I ever tell you that you're all kinds of crazy?"

"Oh, pretty much everyday. But it's to be expected. After all, we are family."

"No wonder, Satan, gets away with practically everything!"

"You do too," Will laughed. "And you always will. Because like it or not, you're the only family I have left too. And you mean everything to me. I'm not going to lose myself on this vengeance quest but I am going to kill Dustin. I'm going to avenge our family and make things right again."

"Alright, but remember you promised. I need an uncle. And the New Directions need a captain."

Will patted him on the cheek once again before turning to walk away. He stopped for a moment, lingering by the staircase. "Noah, I don't tell you this enough but you're already well on your way to being a great man. If something were to happen to me, you'll be an excellent captain and possibly even more one day."

He opened his mouth to question what exactly that was supposed to mean but his uncle was already gone, heading downstairs to no doubt plot out exactly how he was going to kill Dustin. Or most likely, he was going down there to brood. His uncle wasn't exactly known for his plotting skills. Hence their reputation as the crappiest pirates in the Midwest. Still, he wouldn't trade this life for any other. He loved his uncle and his crew. And he didn't want that to change. He heard an increasingly more familiar voice talking below. He walked to the opposite side of the deck to see Santana training with Sam. The princess was hovering watching with eager eyes, chattering endlessly to the maid that came on board with her. Everything was changing because of her. And his uncle really believed that he could ever like that girl. He let out a shaky breath as her gaze drifted upward meeting his. A small smile formed on her lips as she hesitantly waved to him. He didn't even realize he lifted his arm until he felt himself waving back.

"Oh, this is no good, Noah," he muttered to himself. "She's insane. She's going to get us all killed. And she's engaged… to a prince! There is no way a girl like that is going to want anything to do with a guy like you."

With a heavy sigh, he turned around to face the waves again. Five more minutes and then he could face the world.

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><p>Somehow the stories made being on a pirate ship sound a lot more interesting than it really was. There was always something interesting happening in those stories. But the reality was that you were on a slow moving mode of transportation. And so far they were the only ones on the ocean which meant that there was a whole lot of nothing to do at the moment. The captain was locked in his cabin. Rachel learned fairly early on that he trusted Puck implicitly and therefore was frequently not around. Judging by the fairly large amount of ridiculous things the boys got into when he wasn't there, she wasn't sure that Will's captaining technique was the best. Still they were a pleasant enough bunch. Even Santana finally stopped directly threatening them moving now to vague threats.<p>

Rachel was just grateful that she had Tina throughout all of this. She really didn't know what she would do without her former maid. The woman took to the pirate life with ease. Rachel also learned fairly early on that Tina was wasted as a maid. She was an amazing cook, managing to put together flavorful meals with very little supplies. So Tina was definitely adapting to their new circumstances well. It didn't help that her earlier interest in the very handsome second mate (or was he first mate this week?) was returned. During the time they were on the New Direction, there was many an occasion when she found Mike in the kitchen with Tina wearing the same adorable lovesick smile as the former maid. It was cute. It just made Rachel a little jealous that she couldn't fit in as well.

Sure the crew was nice enough. Artie and Sam made it a habit to speak to her several times during the day. Santana wasn't overly hostile any more but she kept sending pointed glares in her direction that had Rachel wondering how she was managing to offend the woman from a distance. The captain was pleasant enough on the rare times he emerged from his cabin. Whenever Mike could tear himself away from Tina, he was also cordial. And Puck… well, Puck avoided her like the plague. She supposed it had to do with the fact that this whole journey was her doing. Artie told her shortly after they set sail that Puck was the captain's nephew. She understood his anger towards her a little more in that moment. Still, she thought they were slowly moving past their initial hostility when he waved back at her on their first day. But ever since then, he was avoiding her and Santana was glaring and Rachel was really, really confused.

"What's with the long face, Lady Midget?"

Rachel jumped at the sudden appearance of Santana. The female pirate was leaning against a wall watching her with amusement dancing in her eyes. Her long hair was held back from her face by a bandana and a slight sheen to her tanned skin showed she just finished sparring. In the background, she could make out Mike limping away, most likely to Tina. It was in that moment that the idea was born.

"I want to learn how to fight."

Santana's eyes widened comically. "You want to what?"

"I wish to learn how to fight like you. I'm serious about my intentions to rescue Prince Finn. If I'm going to be of any assistance, I need to learn how to fight."

"You're actually serious about this. Wow. Ok, listen up, princess. Learning to fight is serious business. It's not something you just pick up for fun."

"I know that!" Rachel protested. "It could be a useful technique in the future."

"Why? As soon as we get to Carmel, we're going to rescue your prince and then you'll be a queen. You won't need to know how to fight. That's what the royal army is for." Santana paused, her lips twisting into a smirk. "Although, that's just assuming that Dustin didn't already kill him. Then I guess that plan is out the window."

Rachel sighed heavily. She supposed it would've been too far out there to believe that Santana would actually help her as they had yet to have an actual conversation. Still, she just didn't understand the woman's attitude towards her. It was like she hated her for some crime that Rachel was certain she didn't commit.

"Satan," a new voice joined the conversation. Rachel glanced up to see Puck was now standing on the deck. His eyes were locked on Santana. "A little bit overkill, isn't it?"

"I was just kidding," Santana rolled her eyes. "You know we're going to rescue the stupid prince and they'll have their happily ever after. And I get to pick up the pieces."

"San," Puck's voice was a clear warning at this point. "You're making me regret telling you anything."

Santana sighed heavily. "Fine, it's your life. Just… don't get hurt."

Rachel stood silently watching the interactions between the pair. She long suspected there was something going on between them, though Santana also appeared to have some sort of physical relationship with Sam as well. But looking at them right now, Rachel saw something she didn't notice between Santana and Sam. She never saw the other girl look as soft… or concerned, as she did in that moment.

"Satan, it's me," Puck grinned. "I'll be fine. Now I think Sammy was looking for you. Something about how he hasn't had his ass kicked today."

"Don't mock my man," Santana shot back playfully. "It's not his fault he sucks at hand to hand combat." She threw a fleeting glance at Rachel. "Maybe the princess here will take to it better than Sam."

Rachel perked up. "You're going to train me?"

"I'm not," Santana corrected. "He is." There was a moment where she clearly struggled with saying something further before she spun on her heels, descending down to the lower part of the ship. Rachel watched her leave with a confused expression that melted as she looked to Puck.

"So you're going to actually help me learn how to fight?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. His body was unusually tense and he was still not making eye contact. "You say that you want to be a help when it comes to rescuing this prince of yours. And if you can take care of yourself, that's less time spent making sure you're not off getting killed. That's less chance that one of my crew ends up dead."

Rachel frowned. "Oh, so that's why."

Puck shook his head. "That's not the only reason. I heard you that day on the beach. It's not all about you wanting to be a queen. You're also trying to protect Lima. That's a really decent thing to do."

Rachel smiled. "Decent. Most people call me selfish."

For the first time in a week, he turned his head so that their eyes met. "You're definitely not selfish, Lady Rachel. You're willingly sailing on a ship with pirates to save your fiancée's life and the whole kingdom of Lima. That pretty much demonstrates a lack of selfishness to me."

Her smile grew a little wider even as she felt a curious fluttering in her stomach. It grew stronger when she saw his lips curve into an actual smile. She was getting used to the smirks he threw around almost carelessly but his smile was rare and beautiful. He was beautiful.

"So where do you want to begin? Weapons or hand to hand?"

"Huh?"

Puck laughed. "I think hand to hand. Not sure I want to trust you with a weapon just yet. Especially if you keep drifting away in your thoughts. Anyway, go change and I'll meet you on the upper decks."

"What's wrong with what I have on?" she asked.

"It might be a little difficult to move in that," Puck said, gesturing towards the bottom of her floor length gown.

"Oh," she flushed. "Right, of course. I'll change immediately."

"Just ask Santana if she has any old stuff lying around. She's a little taller than you but she should be able to find something. She makes the captain get her new clothes at every port. So there is something in that room of hers."

Rachel smiled softly at his look of exasperation. "Has Santana been on the ship long?"

"Almost as long as me. I've known her since we were six," Puck replied, relaxing a little more against the wall. "The captain found her being sold into some kind of pervy child slavery thing. So he did what any good pirate would do."

"He killed them?" she asked, slightly excited to finally hear some stories of swashbuckling mayhem.

Puck choked. "What? No! What the hell kinds of stories do you hear about pirates?" he paused, his face twisted in thought. "Well, I guess maybe that does make sense. Damn, I guess we are just really bad at this pirating thing. Anyway, he didn't kill anyone. He just stole Santana. She grew up on the ship with me. And then through the years we've added the others."

That explained the total familiarity between Puck and Santana. They were really adorable. Almost as if he sensed her train of thought, Puck scowled in her direction. "Weren't you going to change?"

She giggled. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Damn women," he muttered, pushing himself off the wall and heading up to where Artie was beckoning him. As Rachel walked down the stairs in the direction she last saw Santana going in, her mind was focused on the training session coming up. She'd watched them all training in the past week. It was very physical and involved a lot of touching. She found she really didn't mind the idea of Puck touching her. She almost welcomed it…. wait… The fluttering sensation, the smile she wore throughout their entire exchange, the training…. She stopped short in her tracks just outside Santana's room. The other girl looked up from the book on her lap and nodded.

"Oh, so you're finally getting it?" she asked.

"I'm falling for him, aren't I?"

Santana blinked. "You're the one that's engaged. Why don't you know what it feels like? Aren't you in love with the prince?"

Rachel tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Well, of course I love the prince. He's handsome and noble and everything a girl could want in a prince but it's just I'm experiencing very different physical symptoms around Puck."

Santana snorted. "Take it from someone who has grown up with the boy. He has that effect on people, not just women. It's not just the looks. He has this whole tough thing going on but he's a sweetheart underneath it all. He doesn't open up to people easily but when he does… he gives his everything."

"You think I'm going to hurt him, don't you?" Rachel asked, flashing back to Puck and Santana's earlier conversation.

"I think you believe in those stories. I think you've convinced yourself you have to marry a prince or else the world will end. I know Puck is a pretty amazing guy but he's not a prince. He's a pirate. Not a good one, but a pirate nonetheless. I think that eventually a time will come when you have to choose between your prince and the pirate. I know which will win. And I don't want to see him be hurt."

Rachel swallowed. "I don't want to hurt him."

"Then don't lead him on," Santana returned, sharply. "If there is any chance that you'll choose him then, by all means, go for it. For an uppity, bordering on insane princess to be, you're not that bad. But if you know that you're going to choose the tool we're going to save then stop it. Just stop."

"But I don't know how!"

"Figure it out, because I can't deal with the fallout. He's acting different around you. I think he may actually be falling in love with you. I'm not going to let him be hurt," she said, shaking her head. "Will and Puck have been my family for as long as I can remember. They saved me and I've been trying to repay them my whole life. I'm not going to let anything hurt either one of them. I don't know what's going on with the Captain and this Dustin crap but I can control you and Puck. Figure out where you're going with this thing, princess. I may not hate you anymore but I will cut you if you break his heart. There are some clothes in the bottom drawer that might fit you. Feel free to take what you want."

With that said, Santana went back to her book, ignoring Rachel's dumbstruck expression. She leaned against the doorway of the room. Was she falling in love with Puck? Sure, he was physically attractive. Anyone with eyes could see that. And he was also sweet and loyal and caring… and yes, yes, she was definitely falling for him. This was not good. Because she had a destiny. She had a dream. And she couldn't afford to let a fleeting attraction to the albeit very attractive Puck distract her from that. They were going to rescue the prince. She was going to marry him and that was that. She was going to put an end to this before it got too out of control. From now on, it was strictly a business relationship.

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><p>Three days later, Rachel realized she was completely screwed. Despite every effort in the world, she was getting closer and closer to the pirate. Her brain appeared to be the only one on board with the push him away plan. Her body seemed determined to betray her every time she laid eyes on the boy. Her traitorous mouth curved into a smile whenever he passed her by. Her stupid heart skipped a beat when she saw him smile in return. The butterflies in her stomach fluttered restlessly whenever he brushed against her or held onto her while they were sparring. But if it were only those physical situations, she might believe that she had a chance at beating this thing. But it wasn't just that. They also… talked.<p>

For the first time in her life, she had someone who was willing to listen to her, not because he had to but because he actually wanted to listen. And more than that, he actually seemed to enjoy talking with her. He told her about the crew. He never spoke about his parents, or how he came to live with his uncle full time, but the stories he told and the way he spoke about the captain told Rachel all she needed to know about that…. for now. She told him about the prophecy. It was meant to be a tool to push him further away. It didn't work as they ended talking for hours about how she believed so strongly in the seer's words because of her parents' failed marriage. She wanted to be loved. And damn if he wasn't right. But that didn't change anything. Because she was engaged. She was going to marry Finn when they saved him. And she was going to break not only Puck's heart, but her heart as well, when that happened.

"Puck!"

Rachel was drawn out of her contemplative silence by the sound of the object of her thoughts' name. Artie was coming out of the kitchen area wearing an uncharacteristic scowl. His gait was even more troubled than before.

According to Puck, when Artie was a child he was in a boating accident. He was told that he would never walk again but Rachel was learning that this crew was composed of the most stubborn, nonsensical people on the planet. You tell them no and they'll make it happen. So telling Artie he would never walk again was the equivalent of telling the sun not to shine tomorrow. He still had his cloudy days though. His legs gave him trouble if he stood too long or exerted himself, which made physical labor a difficult chore for him. He was written off as useless in his village because of that but had somehow caught the attention of the New Directions crew. They never seemed troubled by his physical disabilities. If he needed to rest, they would let him lean on them without complaint. If he couldn't help them with a chore, one of the others would pick up the slack. They really were an oddball family, right down to the bickering pain in the rear alternating mates.

"Puck!" Artie continued to yell, even as all but hobbled his way across the deck, ignoring the arguing pair behind him. After a few more moments of yelling, Puck's head appeared over the side of the upper deck. He glanced down at the gathered group with a confused frown. A minute later, he was standing before them, guiding Artie to a seat and silencing the other two with a glare. Rachel was starting to see why Will left them under Puck's command so often.

"Alright, what's going on?"

"It's Sam's fault!"

"Screw that, it's so your fault! You were the one in charge of supplies!"

"No, that's the First Mate's job. That was so your job."

"Oh, now I was the First Mate."

"Hey!" Puck barked, silencing them once more. "Artie, you're the only sane one of the group. What's going on? What's this about supplies?"

Artie sighed heavily, rubbing his right leg absently. "It seems that we're low on supplies. And by low I mean completely out. We're even out of chocolate."

Puck's eyes widened. "But we made a supply run right before we stopped in Lima. It's only been a week and a half. Even with two extra mouths, we shouldn't have run out of supplies that fast."

"Ordinarily we wouldn't have but we sent the two idiots over here to get supplies," Artie jabbed a finger in their direction. "Remember, that's when we had to break Santana out of jail after she punched the constable in the face and we didn't want the Captain to know because he wouldn't let us stop at the fair if we got in trouble one more time."

"Oh, yeah," Puck nodded slowly. His eyes drifted towards the silent Mike and Sam. "Well, anything to say on the matter?"

"Uh, it's his fault?" Mike suggested weakly.

"Wrong," Sam muttered, elbowing his friend in the side. "Look, the thing is that we may have gotten a little bit distracted and not necessarily got everything off the list."

"There was a list?"

"Shut up!"

Puck growled. "Both of you shut up. We have to figure out a way to get supplies that doesn't take us too far off course. And also before Santana finds out we're out of chocolate. That woman is deadly without her friggin chocolate." There was a pause as all four men shuddered in unison at some unpleasant memory.

"Dalton is actually about an hour away from here," Artie murmured, shaking off the fear, at least for the moment. "They have a really big market this time of year. Also they're one of the few kingdoms that don't have a kill a pirate on sight policy. I think we may be able to restock enough to keep us for a few months. That is if we don't send the First and Second Idiots over there to get the job done."

"I'm not going to respond to that only because we kind of deserve it," Sam grumbled. Rachel couldn't help it. She had been silent up until that point but finally she gave into the urge to giggle. The four boys turned towards her in unison. "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough to know that you guys really are terrible at the whole pirate thing."

They all opened their mouths to protest before closing them just as quickly. Sam, Mike and Artie eventually slunk away mumbling under their breaths about how people didn't need to point out their failures. She couldn't help but giggle more.

"You shouldn't laugh," Puck said his voice just as amused. "We try really hard to be decent pirates."

"What's the most badass thing you've ever done?" Rachel challenged.

"Uh, there was the time that…. well, no. Oh, I know there was the time that I… wait, that wasn't for real. Ok, then this one time, Sammy totally… oh, wait, he gave that back." He chewed on his lip clearly at a loss. "My uncle is going to kill a man in a few days."

"And how do you feel about htat?"

"He has to do what he has to do," Puck shrugged. "I…. just iwsh he wouldn't. it's not who we are. it's not who he is."

Rachel patted him on the shoulder. "As I've said, you're really bad at the pirating thing. I think you may want to consider a new career choice."

He raised an eyebrow. "You have any suggestions, your highness?"

"Maybe you could be my bodyguards," she smiled. "Protect me from danger."

"Yeah, right. I've seen your moves. If anyone needs protecting, it's going to be anyone stupid enough to go up against you." His eyes twinkled as he looked over at her. "Besides, I'm pretty sure that your prince is not going to want a bunch of pirates, crappy or not, watching over his wife. That is if he doesn't just have us hung right away."

Rachel's jaw dropped. "I know that he's not exactly on the side of pirates, but Finn would never have you all executed. Especially not if you're coming to his rescue."

"You may be right but he's definitely not going to be on board with the pirate protection program," Puck shrugged. "I don't think that's in the cards for us."

"Do you ever think about some other life?"

He glanced at her face before sitting down on the ground beside Artie's abandoned chair. His gaze flickered towards the chair and she took it as the unspoken invitation to sit. "I do… think about it. I mean, I look at the rest of the crew and I know that they're wasted. Santana, Mike, Sam and Artie… they're all are so smart. They could be anything. But they're sailing around on a boat that's seen its better days, basically going against their consciences to get enough supplies to live. I think that they deserve more than this life."

"What about you?"

"I don't know anything other than this life," he replied, quietly. "I grew up with my uncle. My parents…. They died in Carmel."

Rachel sucked in a breath, resting her hand on his shoulder. "I... didn't know…. I'm sorry. So that's why…."

"That's why my uncle is on a vengeance quest? Yeah, pretty much. Dustin killed his sister, my mother. And apparently he lost his wife and son in the midst of that too. So yeah, he's on this total revenge kick and he's not going to be able to rest until he's killed this guy."

"The siege happened like sixteen years ago. You were just a baby." He mustered a weak grin and nodded. While he was still a mystery to her, she felt like a piece of the Puck puzzle was solved in that moment. His devotion to Will and the rest of the crew was made obvious by the fact that he was an orphan. He clung to the only family he had left. And this was not helping her with the not falling for Puck thing. She squeezed his shoulder, not knowing what else to say or do. It seemed to be the right thing as he relaxed under her touch. They sat that way until Artie returned to announce that they were boarding a boat to go ashore.

"You coming with us?"

Rachel blinked in surprise. "I can?"

Puck smiled softly. "You do realize that you're not our prisoner. You're more than welcome to join us. Have you ever been outside Lima before?"

"Actually, no," she felt a flicker of excitement at the thought. She read about Dalton but she never imagined she would ever get to actually see it. Less than an hour later, she was being helped out of the boat by Puck and Mike. Her eyes widened as she took in the city. It was all marble and stone. It almost glistened in the afternoon sun.

She watched idly as the crew slipped into the city without a single unwelcome glance from any of the residents. Dalton was a kingdom that preached tolerance of everyone, including pirates. The townspeople were a reflection of that philosophy. She had never been around so many different types of people before. She felt a hand on her arm but she wasn't alarmed. She had become all too familiar with the almost gentle touch and simply allowed Puck to steer her in the direction of the crowded marketplace. As they walked in, there was a man surrounded by a small crowd playing a lyre. He tipped his head in their direction even as he continued to sing a song about teenagers and dreams. Rachel watched for a few moments before pulling Puck into the market.

As they drifted from stand to stand, she occasionally caught sight of the other crew members. Mike, Tina and Artie were stocking up on food and other supplies. Santana was dragging Sam around looking at weapons and clothing. Let it not be said that her priorities were not in order. Puck… well he seemed to be in charge of following the awestruck Rachel around. He seemed content to follow her as she walked from one stand to the other bouncing on her the balls of her feet at all the different merchandise.

"These are so you," she commented, holding up two leather wrist bands. Puck raised an eyebrow taking the bands out of her hands. She could see him eyeing the material appreciatively but after a few moments he shrugged. "Oh, come on? Really?"

"They're cute, princess, but not something we really need."

"Fine, Mr. Responsibility," Rachel grumbled, letting him pull her to the next table.

It was at this table that she found them. Despite her fascination with almost everything she saw in the marketplace, it was the pair of golden star clips with a silver moon carved into each of the shiny surface that truly caught her eye. They were simple but beautiful. It was if they were made for her. If she were home, she would've begged her father to buy them for her. But in her haste to flee that castle, what seemed like years ago, she left behind her father and any source of income. And besides, Puck did make an excellent point. They had no supplies. The clips, while pretty, would not put food in their stomachs. With one last lingering touch, she put the clips down, missing the thoughtful expression on Puck's face.

"How much longer do we have before we need to meet with the others?"

"We have as long as you want. Take your time. They usually have performances during the market. We can stay for awhile and see one, if you'd like. I think Satan and Sammy intended to do so."

"Sure," Rachel agreed. She glanced up in his direction and was once again caught off guard by his eyes. They were unusual and expressive. There were moments where she felt like she could drown happily in those eyes. This would be one of those moments.

"Well, aren't you a lovely couple?" a voice interrupted her blissful death. She rolled her eyes in the direction of the nuisance to find a young man, most likely around their age, holding a lyre. She recognized him vaguely as the man that was playing when they first entered the market. "Let me guess, you're on your honeymoon."

"Wrong," Puck snorted.

The man frowned. "I'm rarely ever wrong. Oh, so you haven't managed to find the courage to ask her to be your wife yet. I understand. It's a big step."

Rachel could sense that Puck was getting annoyed and so she stepped in before the poor minstrel wound up on the receiving end of a non violent pirate's wrath. Although, that sounded really hilarious.

"We're not a couple," Rachel smiled, politely. "We're simply friends out for a stroll at the market."

The man looked unconvinced but shrugged. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Blaine and I'm a traveling minstrel."

Rachel giggled as he shook her hand before placing a kiss there. "I'm Rachel and this is Puck." Puck nodded in his direction before his attention slid once again. She shook her head. "So Blaine the minstrel, you live in Dalton?"

An odd look flashed across his face before the blinding smile was back. "Yes, I do. But I do believe that I'm ready to get to the traveling part of my career path. You wouldn't happen to know of any ships that are looking for more crew and leaving… now?"

"No," Puck muttered, as if he knew where this was headed. Rachel turned imploring eyes his way. True, she didn't know this Blaine character but he seemed nice. And she understood the need to get away from it all. "We're pirates, woman! We don't just accept runaways and strays."

"You accepted me and Tina," she pointed out.

"That's different," he ground out. "You needed us for a job."

Rachel made a vague hand gesture to the market. "So you walking around with me all day at the market was part of the job?"

Puck's eyes widened as he realized he painted himself into a very tight corner. He exchanged a look with Blaine, who was similarly concerned. Rachel smiled inwardly. This was a done deal. She could see it on his face the moment he finally gave in.

"Fine! But you're the one explaining it to the captain and the rest of the crew!"

"That's perfectly acceptable!" Rachel agreed. "Welcome to the New Directions, Blaine!"

She could tell by the slightly smug look on his face that Puck was expecting the others to reject their newest crew member. She was partially concerned because he was a little too sure but she soon found her concerns to be for nothing. She was worried the most about Santana's reaction. But she simply looked Blaine over once and nodded. That was the sum of his interview. Will treated him with the same indifference and tolerance he showed everyone. Sam and Mike basically went along with whatever the others had agreed to. If he made it that far, then he was clearly in and they really weren't too pressed to try and counter the decision. Tina was as impressed and amused by him as Rachel. And Artie loved him, if only because Blaine helped the crew to get better deals on even more supplies than they originally planned for.

"He hasn't even boarded yet and he's already earning his keep," Santana murmured appreciatively watching Artie and Tina sort through their new supplies. She sent Sam and Mike a pointed look. "I'd be worried if I were you two. This new guy might actually force you to do work."

Sam and Mike exchanged worried looks. "No, that… Captain?"

Will shook his head. "You boys know that you'll always have a place on the New Directions even if the others are pulling more weight than you."

"Thanks… wait."

Rachel placed her hand over her mouth to cover the giggle that threatened to emerge. They really were an amusing bunch. She almost wished they could stay at sea forever. She was definitely going to miss them when she was back in Lima. She would miss them all, but it was safe to say (at least in her head) that she would miss Puck the most. Naturally, her eyes sought him out in the gathered group. She found him standing a short distance away with a pensive look on his face. Will walked over to him, nudging him with his shoulder.

"You're really upset about this?"

"No," Puck sighed, heavily. "It's just how many more people are we going to take in? We're starting to turn into some sort of floating sanctuary for the freaks and outcasts of the world."

"Huh," Will said, thoughtfully. "I never really thought about it. But I guess we are."

"Oh, great, you're going to be adopting another one before the week is out, aren't we?"

Will laughed and clapped his nephew on the shoulder. "I promise you that I will not be adopting anyone else before the week is over or at all. I have my hands full enough with you. I'm not looking to adopt anyone else. We can take in half the world but the only one I claim total responsibility for is you... and sometimes Santana. Mostly when she's not threatening people or punching people in the face."

"So basically like never? I can live with that," Puck grinned. He glanced back at the crew to find that very little progress had been made on getting the supplies in the boat. They were mostly standing around and talking. Rahcel watched as Puck rolled his eyes skyward before barking orders that had them all snapping to attention.

"He's a natural leader," Will said, noticing her attention. "He doesn't realize it but they pay more attention to him than they do to me."

"But you're the captain."

"But he's the one they respect and follow," Will shrugged. "I accepted that fact a long time ago. I'm fine with it, really. He does a good job at keeping them somewhat in line."

"Yesterday, he, Mike and Artie were trying to catch sea monsters off the side of the ship by using Sam as human bait."

Will frowned slightly. "Yes, well that would be the somewhat in line part. He's still a teenager. He's going to do some stupid things every now and then."

Rachel wasn't too sure that should be some stupid things every now and then. It was a little more accurate to say a lot of stupid things pretty much all of the time. but hse would let Will keep him naivety. It was kind of endearing.

"Halt!"

The group all turned to see a group of men standing behind them. they were wearing the familiar blue and red colors that made up the Dalton coat of arms. She could see the symbol on their armor, which meant that they were part of the royal army. Interesting.

"Is there a problem here?" Will asked, subtly warning his crew not to make any sudden moves. Rachel could see both Puck and Santana moving stealihtly to one of the many hidden weapons they each carried. They may be terrible, non lethal pirates but that didn't mean they wouldn't fight to protect themselves… or each other.

"You're under arrest."

"For what?" Artie asked, incredulous. "This is Dalton. You don't have laws against piracy and we actually paid for all these supplies."

"Not that," the leader of the army snapped. "For kidnapping."

"Screw that," Puck shook his head. "They came with us willingly. Hell, if anyone was kidnapped, it was us!" Rachel glared in his direction but had to concede that he had a point.

"I have no idea what you're talking about and I don't really care to know either. you're under arrest for the attempted kidnapping of the royal prince of Dalton."

"The royal what of…. Oh, god damn it!" Puck roared, turning to a very contrite Blaine. "Really, dude? You're the friggin prince?"

Blaine huffed. "Sebastian, really? You enjoy this don't you?"

The leader of the Royal Guard, otherwise known as Sebastian, crossed his arms over his chest. "You're the prince. You may not feel that you need to behave a certain way because you're not in line for the throne, but you're still considered a prince of this land nonetheless. It's not becoming of you to be slumming with pirates! and your constant attempts at escaping the kingdom are beneath you as well."

"You're just saying that because you want me to beneath you, perv," Blaine muttered, though it was loud enough for the New Directions crew to hear as evidenced by a few snickers and some poorly concealed cough laughs. Blaine sighed heavily. "Fine, Sebastian, just let these guys go and I'll go back to the castle."

"I'm so sorry, my dear prince. But I have strict orders from your brother, the King of Dalton, to bring them back with us."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "You're such an asshole."

"When we get beheaded, I totally reserve the right to say 'I told you so'!" Puck grumbled as he, and the others, were led away by the guards.

"Puck?"

"Yeah, Rachel?"

"Shut up!"

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><p>*The end for now. Hope you're all still enjoying. I'll have the new chapter up as soon as possible. I'm finishing it as we speak. I must warn you now, it's a little cracky but then again… it's me. So that was inevitable. Ciao for now!<p> 


	3. Dalton: Land of Magical Roofies

**Summary:** Once upon a time, there was an evil king that tried to take over the kingdom of Lima. This is the story of the fair maiden who wouldn't let his schemes get in the way of her royal destiny and the pirates that helped her along the way.

**Pairings:** Finnchel, Puckleberry, Tike, Bartie, Samtana, possible future hinted Klaine with some strongly suggested Seblaine and Kurtofsky

**Warnings:** Despite what this section may have said before, this is in no way shape or form canon. This story does not contain any spoilers because it's a total A/U with only the barest hints of canon.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own this show or anything related to this show. If I did I assure you I wouldn't be writing stories about them. I would be fixing the hot mess they're making of certain characters!

**Author's Note:** So sorry for the delay. RL got in the way. But on a bright side, I'm officially done with my nightmarish job and have had plenty of inspiration. So hopefully I can wrap this up before I start my new job in a week. And warning now: This chapter is a little… insane. LOL. I don't even know. I would like to say that I do not hate Quinn. As a matter of fact despite her completely polarizing role on the show, I still do like her. That being said… she's in this chapter. And yeah, I liked writing this chapter but after reading through it again, I realized it's a little cracked out. I hope you all enjoy. Ciao for now.

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><p><strong>Dalton: Land of the Magical Roofies<strong>

For all that it preached tolerance, diversity, rainbows, puppies and what the hell ever, Dalton seemed pretty set on conformity. And don't give him that look. Yes, he knew what conformity meant, and he even knew how to spell it. His uncle forced him to read… a lot. Seriously, that was the man's go to source for entertainment before Puck was old enough tell him that enough was enough (i.e. last year). Anyway, Dalton was a conformist's wet dream. Everyone dressed the same and walked around with the same "I'm so happy, can't you see my blank face and smile" expressions on their faces. Shit, no wonder Blaine wanted to leave so bad. He definitely owed the guy an apology later on.

"Are you as creeped out as me right now?" Sam muttered from his place practically plastered against the wall in the corner they managed to stake out for them. So far it was just Puck and Sam. Mike was losing touch with reality and dancing with Tina. (Puck wondered when the wedding would be). Rachel and Artie were being social and out amongst the others mingling. Santana was… somewhere. (Part of him was concerned. The other part was bored and Santana was almost always a good source of entertainment. He made a mental note to find her soon). And Will was chatting with the King. Like actually legit chatting. His uncle was so weird sometimes.

"I was creeped out when we first got here and they broke into a spontaneous song and dance routine. I was terrified when the king declared that we were a good looking bunch of guys and declared that we were staying for dinner… that coincidentally is more like a ball. Now I'm just feeling straight up violated."

The reason for the violation was standing on the opposite side of the room, eyeing him (and occasionally Sam) with naked hunger in her eyes. It wasn't sexy as he was pretty damn sure she'd rip his head off and eat once she was done with him. He vaguely remembered Blaine introducing her as his sister, Quinn, but he really didn't care. He just wanted to be back out on sea already. This is why he liked living on a ship. It severely decreased the amount of contact you had with people.

"On a positive note, Artie made a new friend."

Puck followed Sam's line of sight to where their friend was sitting at a table talking with another young blonde (there were several in the land of Dalton). But this one was another one of Blaine's siblings, Brittany. The fact that none of them looked remotely alike, including Blaine or their brother, Cooper, didn't escape Puck's attention. He really didn't care to figure it out either. This place was beyond whacked out and he wanted gone before that princess chick tried to rape him or something.

Speaking of princesses…. He looked around the room until finally spotted his princess. And by his, he just meant the one he was the most familiar with… because she wasn't his. And thanks to a stupid prophecy, she never would be either. He sighed as his thoughts started to drift into what he called the forbidden zone. He knew it would never be between him and Rachel but he couldn't help but wonder what if it could. His what if thoughts didn't end with just Rachel though.

Puck never dreamed of being a prince or even about being rich or anything that grandiose. He was content with his life. He had his uncle. He had Santana and the others. He was good. But every now and then a niggling thought would drift into his head. He would wonder about his life if his parents had lived and raised him. He wondered if he would be at a party like this if his parents were still alive? Would a guy like him have a chance with a girl like Rachel if his parents were alive? Would he stand even a fraction of a better chance at competing with a prince than he did now?

"What are you thinking about so hard? I swear I can almost see the wheels turning in that shriveled up raisin you call a brain."

He blinked at the sudden intrusion into his increasingly maudlin thoughts. He glanced down at the exotic beauty glaring at him like he was an idiot. Wait… he knew that glare even if he was unfamiliar with the hair, face and makeup masking that glare.

"San?"

"Duh!" she snapped. "Who the hell did you think I was?"

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. He grew up with the girl. He knew she was beautiful… but damn. She cleaned up very well. Gone were her razor blade adorned braids. Her hair was instead loose and curly. And she was wearing dress. Well actually, it was a gown. She was wearing a gown.

"I'd drool but I think Sammy might try to stab me."

Santana craned her neck to look at her sometime lover who was now sitting with Artie and Brittany now. He caught her look and smiled. Puck rolled his eyes. They were adorable sometimes. Santana elbowed him in the stomach. "He doesn't have a knife. They took all our weapons, remember?"

"They really took all your weapons?" he asked, placing a hand just above her hip. She huffed in amusement. "You should be proud. Your lessons on stealth have been paying off. I'll have you know that Sam has at least two knives on him at the moment."

She brushed a fake tear away. "He makes me so proud."

Puck tapped her on her chin. "You make me proud too, San. You look amazing."

She flushed, smacking him on the arm. "You don't look so bad yourself, babe. You look good in a suit."

"Better than a prince?"

Santana's lips twisted. "Puck, you're better than you think you are. You're better than any stupid prince. You're one of the best men I've ever known. Any woman would be lucky to have you as theirs."

"I'm being stupid," he shook his head. "You told me to stop… but I didn't listen."

"You never do," she agreed before tugging on his hand. "Care to dance?"

"I thought it was the guys that were supposed to ask the girls," he said even as he let her pull him towards the slow dancing couple waltzing around the ballroom floor.

"You haven't heard?" she asked him mock seriousness. "I'm a pirate. That makes me progressive."

"Oh, I just thought it made you bitchy."

She laughed, winding her arms around his shoulders. "That too, my dear Noah. That too."

The thing that Puck loved the most about Santana was that she was a chameleon. She was able to blend in effortlessly wherever they went. She looked as comfortable gliding around a floor crowded with royals from far away lands as she did carrying blades. He, on the other hand, felt incredibly awkward.

"Relax," she whispered, sliding her hands up his arms in a comforting gesture. "Just remember all the dance lessons Will gave us when we were growing up."

"And remember I was bad at them then too."

She smiled, obviously remembering some of their more memorable dance lessons that usually ended with him brooding for hours while Santana sat glaring at him for ruining their one break away from constant training and reading. He laughed at the thought. "Oh, I never forgot those lessons. Though you're not stepping on my feet as much. You're almost good enough to ask the princess to dance."

Puck's eyes immediately slid to Quinn, who was still watching him. Santana caught his mildly terrified look and shook her head. "Not her. I seriously cannot even begin to deal with another pretty princess type. Especially not one that looks like she's going to rip your head off and eat it after she's done with you."

"Right!" he paused. "Wait, then who?" now it was his turn to follow her eyes. "Weren't you the one telling me not to spend as much time with her? That I was only going to fall in love with her and have my heart crushed like an ant under the heel of a really, really fat child?"

"Yes, and that clearly worked so well. You know me, Puck. You know I'm not in the habit of telling you to do something that I know won't work. I think you have an actual chance here. You need to go for it. I think she really likes you. I know that you really like her too. Hell, you more than really like her."

"She only likes me because her prince isn't around. When we find him, she's barely going to give me the time of day?"

"Well what if that doesn't happen? What if she still pays just as much attention to you as she does now?"

"Why would she?"

"Why wouldn't she?"

Puck growled in frustration. "I'm not a prince, San! I'm a goddamn pirate! I don't have a castle. I don't have servants. I have nothing to offer her. I can't even promise that we'll always have food. I can't give her big fancy balls like this. I can't give her any of that. But stupid Prince Finn can."

Santana shook her head. "I don't know where the hell this insecurity is coming from but I really don't like it on you. You're not exactly ugly, you know? Underneath that swagger, you're a sweet guy. You've got a lot more going for you than just being a pirate. But until you finally get that, maybe you don't deserve Rachel!" With that she stormed away from him in a flurry of red lace. She finally learned the art of the dramatic exit. All it took was more lace and frills than he ever saw in his life. He sighed heavily, wondering how long he should give her before he went after her. Then he saw Rachel running out after her. At least she wasn't alone.

"You know I'm not an expert on women, but I think you made her angry." Puck raised an eyebrow in the direction of the prince. He may not be the one that started this whole mess but he was close enough. Blaine raised a hand in peace before gesturing towards the cup held in his other hand. "This is for you. Consider it my apology for getting you into this situation."

Puck narrowed his eyes, and sniffed at the drink. "What's in it?"

"Paranoid?"

"It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you," Puck murmured in response. He took an experimental sip but couldn't find anything overtly wrong with it. It seemed like normal ale. A little spicy but every region seemed to brew it a little differently. He nodded his head in Blaine's direction.

"So what's the deal with you and her, anyway? You're together?"

"No," Puck shrugged, drinking a little more now. "Santana and I grew up together. She's like my really hot sister."

"Oh," Blaine said, tapping a finger against his arm. He looked at Rachel and his eyes narrowed somewhat. "And you and the other girl. The one you were walking with. What about her?"

"Who, Rachel?" Puck snorted. "I told you before. There is nothing going on with us. She's a passenger on our ship. Her prince fiancée was kidnapped and we're going to rescue him because it just so happened that our captain has blood vengeance against the kidnapper on his bucket list. So we're off to rescue her prince."

"Interesting. So you would say that you're a young, single male that's completely unattached, yes?"

Puck's brow furrowed as he tried to process Blaine's words. He was also trying to understand why his head felt really funny at the moment. There was the other more pressing issue of the second Blaine that was talking with Sam and Artie all the way across the room. He glanced down at his drink and then to the empty space where Quinn was once standing. He groaned as he put together what happened. You'd think by now he would've learned his lesson about accepting food and drinks from weird ass strangers. With a heavy sigh, Puck looked to the left to see that she had dropped her disguise. He glared weakly at the green eyes twinkling up at him.

"Seriously! You're a friggin witch?" he asked, his head growing fuzzier as he started to realize that she had really shiny hair. That was awesome. He liked her smile too.

"I dabble. But let's worry about that later, darling," she smiled sweetly before pressing her lips against his welcoming mouth.

His last thought as everything went black was that Santana was never going let him live this one down.

* * *

><p>Rachel was taught to appreciate the little things in life. She was also taught to appreciate the big things as well. Like the king not having them executed for whatever trumped up reason Sebastian created and instead inviting them to join them for a party. That was huge and she was grateful. She threw herself into the festivities with her usual exuberance but honestly the ball was boring. All around her, people were dancing merrily and there was food, fancy dresses and music but it was all so dull. It just had her twitching with a need to get back to sea. Sadly, that was where her ambition ended. She wasn't anxious to get to Finn. Because once she rescued Finn, it was all over. She would be going back to Lima where she would be forced to attend balls just like this. So, while she was aware that this whole mission was to save Finn, she was going to enjoy every minute of this trip. She wanted to enjoy every stupid comment, joke or insane stunt with the rest of the crew… with Puck.<p>

She caught a few glimpses of him during the evening. He was tucked in a corner with Sam, hiding, he claimed, from Quinn. She had to admit that woman seemed a bit… much. She was making it no secret that she liked Puck. Even now Rachel watched as Quinn tracked every move Santana and Puck made across the dance floor. Her attention to the blonde princess ended as Santana abruptly stopped dancing and stormed away from her. Rachel followed her quickly. She hiked up the skirt of her gown as she tried to follow the woman's mad dash to the courtyard.

"Santana?"

"What?" the other girl whirled abruptly around causing Rachel to skid to a completely ungraceful stop. Apparently it was more amusing than Rachel felt because Santana promptly burst into a fit of giggles at the sight of her flailing around to avoid falling down. "Are you alright?"

"That would be more effective if you weren't giggling," Rachel retorted, though her own lips were forming a smile. "Besides that, I should be asking you that question. You seemed upset."

Santana sighed. "I was. I am. I don't know. Puck… is… a pain in the ass sometimes. I love the boy but damn I swear I wonder where Will went wrong with him."

"I don't understand."

"Don't worry about it," she laughed, though unlike her previous mirth this did not feel sincere at all. "Literally, don't worry about it. Because apparently that boy is too stupid to do anything. At all!"

Rachel didn't have a chance to ponder the meaning behind that one, as Sam and Mike were bursting through the courtyard doors a moment later. The look on their faces did not speak of good things. Santana was already on alert, pulling a knife from… well, Rachel didn't really want to know where the knife came from.

"What happened?"

"I… he…. I think you should come back in now," Mike finally settled on saying. Sam still appeared speechless. He merely held onto Santana's arm, conveniently the knife bearing arm, and led her back inside.

While they were talking, the party had quieted down. Rachel soon found that the reason for this was Quinn was standing on one of the balconies making an announcement. Rachel's eyes tracked around the room, silently counting each one of the pirates. She was missing one. She let her gaze drift back to Quinn, where she found her missing pirate. And by her missing pirate, she just meant the one that was missing. Not that he was her pirate at all. Especially since his arm was linked through Quinn's.

"Is that…. Puck?" Santana asked, her face scrunching in confusion.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make," Quinn's voice carried over the room. "As you know, the only thing keeping me off the throne has been the fact that I have yet to find a husband. Well, that pathetic excuse is over. I intend to wed tomorrow morning and will soon produce an heir to the throne. Allow me to introduce my future husband, and your future king… Puck."

"What the hell?" Santana hissed. The hiss grew into a full blown snarl as Puck leaned down to place a kiss on the lips of the all too pleased Quinn. She whirled around to face Artie, Mike and Sam. "I was outside for a total of like ten minutes. How the hell did this happen?"

"Don't look at us like that!" Artie squeaked, backing up a few steps so he was standing behind Mike. "We had nothing to do with this. We're just as confused as you are."

"He better not be doing this as some stupid form of revenge," Santana muttered. Rachel watched the woman track the happily engaged couple's movements through the room. Apparently, they were the only ones who seemed to find the coupling strange as literally the entire room was congratulating Quinn on her impending nuptials. Rachel wanted throw up a little at the thought.

Finally, the crowd parted enough to allow the crew to approach their friend. Quinn was positively beaming under all the attention while Puck continued to look blank. Rachel noticed that he never strayed too far away from Quinn's side, his arm wrapped tightly in hers.

"Puck!" Santana snapped, stalking towards him. Thankfully she put the knife back to wherever she pulled it from in the first place as several of the guards were already watching her warily. Muddled eyes turned towards them as Santana grabbed a hold of his jacket sleeve. "What the hell is going on?

"I'm getting married," Puck replied in a matter of fact tone. "To the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Oh, Puck," Quinn cooed. Rachel seriously felt like she was going to throw up a little… and possibly punch people in the face. One or the other.

"Ok, jokes over," Santana rolled her eyes. "It's time to go."

"I'm not going anywhere," Puck shook his head. "I'm getting married."

Santana raised an eyebrow. "In case you forgot, genius. We kind have a mission already. We're supposed to be escorting Lady Midget to go save her gigantor fiancée. Remember?"

Puck's brow furrowed slightly before the same passive look formed on his face once again. "You all are more than capable of carrying out that task without me. This is where we part ways. Farewell, friends."

Santana blinked, releasing his jacket in the process. Quinn took the opportunity to move Puck away. Rachel looked around the shocked faces of the crew before looking to Puck, who was moving further and further away.

"Uh, shouldn't we be doing something about that?" Tina asked.

"He is such an idiot!" Santana growled.

"I seriously can't believe he did it again!" Artie agreed, in the same tone. "How many times is it now?"

"I think we're up to five," Sam answered. He glanced at Mike, who was mentally tallying something. "Yeah, it's five."

"Five!" Santana exclaimed. "Five times! And he still hasn't learned his goddamn lesson! I swear one of these days I'm just going to finish the job Mother Nature started and kill the moron before he drags us all down with him!"

"Oh, good, they figured it out on their own," a new voice chimed into the madness. Rachel whirled around to see Blaine, and his other sister, Brittany, standing behind them.

Santana pushed past Sam to get into Blaine's face. "What the hell did your sister to do our friend?"

"Ok, everyone just stop!" Rachel blurted. "You all seem to know exactly what's going on while Tina and I remain completely lost. So would someone care to tell us exactly what's happening, please?"

"Puck is under the influence of a love spell," Artie explained, his features screwed in annoyance. "Again."

"This has happened before?" Tina questioned.

"It's his thing," Mike shrugged. He turned back to Blaine and Brittany. "So Quinn did this? Guess it's not that surprising. She seemed kind of… insane."

"You don't know the half of it," Blaine mumbled. "The thing is… our dad was kind of screwed up. And by kind of, I mean a lot. He has four kids by three different women, none of which were his wife. So basically none of us are considered legit heirs to the throne. But when the old man kicked the bucket three years ago with his wife, there was no legitimate heir so the throne automatically went to Cooper because he's the oldest. But it's not likely that Cooper is going to have an heir in the conventional way, so it's just a waiting game to see which of us will have an heir first. I'm out for pretty much the same reasons."

"So that's what Quinn was talking about," Artie nodded. "She's brainwashed our friend so that she can have a baby."

"She really wants to be queen," Tina said, half in awe. She glanced at Rachel. "She almost makes you look sane by comparison." Rachel glared but mentally conceded that the former maid had a point. "Ok, so now we know why she picked Puck. But how is the next question. She's a princess. What does she know about love spells?"

"Yeah, Quinn is… well, it's safer to say that she dabbles in the black arts."

"Who the hell dabbles in the black arts?" Santana barked incredulously.

"Kinda obviously Quinn," Blaine pointed out. "And Quinn and Brittany's mother…. hence her daughters being special."

Rachel eyed Brittany nervously. "You dabble in the black arts too?"

"Oh, no," Brittany shook her head, smiling brightly. "I don't do any of that. That's Quinn's thing."

"Well, that's a relief."

"No, I'm just a seer."

That's it. Rachel was so done with Dalton. She really had to fight the urge to run up to Quinn, punch her in the face and drag Puck away by that stupid strip of hair he insisted on sporting. Actually, that didn't sound like a bad idea.

"It's not going to work," Brittany said. Rachel glanced in her direction. "Quinn dabbles but she's pretty good. He's not going to be able to snap out of this one on his own. The spell needs to be broken."

Sam sighed. "What do we need this time? Please tell me anything but dragon's blood. That was a bitch and a half to get the last time around."

"No, this is a lot simpler but also more difficult," Blaine replied, chewing on his lip. "Quinn's spell can only be broken by true love's kiss."

"Come again."

"Puck can only break the spell is he's kissed by someone that truly loves him," he clarified. "True love always triumphs over false love."

Rachel was contemplating this when she finally noticed that all eyes were on her. "What?"

"Well, they… he said... true love," Mike muttered, uncomfortably. He turned imploring eyes on Tina.

"What they're trying to say is… that, uh, well, you and Puck are…. you know…."

"Does it have to be romantic love?" Santana asked, suddenly. "You said true love but does it have to be someone that wants to run off into the sunset with him?"

Blaine looked confused while Brittany looked thoughtful. "Huh, I guess that it doesn't, really. It just needs to be a true love. I suppose that way works better. It would be too easy if we went the obvious route so early. Then the rest of the story would just be stupid filler."

"The story?" the non Dalton teenagers chorused in confusion. Blaine elbowed Brittany in the stomach, muttering something about breaking a fourth wall. Rachel didn't bother to question it. Dalton was beyond weird and she was so regretting ever stopping to talk to Blaine in the first place.

"So anyway," Artie said, bringing them all back to the matter at hand. "The one of us that loves him the most needs to go over there and kiss him to break the spell." There was a moment of obvious hesitation before they all shrugged. "I guess it comes down to which one of us loves him more."

"It's totally me," Sam said, nodding. Mike frowned.

"Dude, I've known him longer than you. Clearly if anyone should be kissing him, it should be me."

"You met him the week before me! That hardly makes a difference. Especially since you were mute for a month!"

"It doesn't matter. It just means that we have a bond that defies words. I've known him longer and clearly love him more," Mike said, authoritatively.

"I knew him for a full year before either of you," Artie argued. "So I think it's me."

Rachel could only watch as they descended into yet another argument, this time over who loved Puck more. She was starting to understand how they never got anything done. All they did was waste time arguing over ridiculous things. They seriously needed to consider alternative career choices because pirating just wasn't going to work for them much longer. She turned exchanging an exasperated look with Santana (also making sure that she wasn't pulling out a weapon).

"Enough!" Santana finally yelled. "If I even bothered to follow your idiotic logic then I should be the one that loves him more. But I'm not. I think it's beyond obvious who loves him more than any of us."

"But I thought we weren't going to mention the whole Puck/Rachel thing," Sam mumbled, prompting Rachel to blush furiously.

"We're not," Santana ground out. "Think, morons, and I know that's a struggle. But you can do it. Who loved him enough to raise him all these years? To basically put up with the majority of the chaos he attracts by breathing with a smile?"

"The captain!" they replied in unison.

"We need to get Will," Santana nodded.

"But wait, doesn't that mean that Will has to kiss Puck?" Mike looked troubled. "I mean he is his uncle. That kind of thing works for the royals and stuff but it's kind of weird. Uh, no offense." Blaine and Brittany shrugged.

"Whatever, I think we should just let Will sort it all out," Santana shook her head. "And then I swear Puck is forbidden to even think about moving anywhere without an escort."

"Agreed."

"So which one of you is going to be the one to tell Will?"

"What? This was your idea. You go to tell him."

"Hell no," Santana retorted. "I'm not telling him what his idiot nephew has gotten himself into this time."

Rachel cocked her head to the side and was pleased to see similar expressions of confusion on the faces of Tina, Blaine and Brittany as well.

"Why are you all afraid to tell the Captain? He's probably the least aggressive out of all you guys," Tina pointed out.

"Except when it comes to Puck," Mike answered. "In case you forgot the whole reason we're even on this journey in the first place is because the captain wants to kill Dustin because he screwed with his family. Will has this whole dual personality thing when it comes to his family. He tends to cut and ask questions later when it comes to Puck."

"And he has no problem shooting the messenger," Sam added. "Remember in Toledo when Puck almost got kidnapped by that woman."

"You mean the white whale?" Santana chimed in innocently.

"Her name was Lauren," Artie corrected. "Let's remember the important part which is what Will did to the loser who tried taunting us about the fact that Puck got kidnapped. That dude is lucky he's able to breathe on his own. Dude, I'm calling it now. Not it!"

Mike and Santana quickly joined him leaving Sam as the unfortunate bearer of bad news. All in all, given Will's history of handling news inappropriately when it came to Puck, Rachel would say that he handled it pretty well. Sam walked away with only a headache from when Will yelled loudly about "idiot teenagers and crazy witches". Rachel felt reassured that Will would be able to get them out of this mess with minimal bloodshed and drama.

They all watched as Will approached Puck, placing his hands on the shoulders of his spellbound nephew before kissing his cheek quickly. The spell was apparently broken and the scene very rapidly (and predictably) went downhill form there. In that moment, and the ones following, Rachel learned several valuable lessons. One, these guys were by far the most random and insane assortment of people she ever had the horror/pleasure of coming across and they completely deserved one another. Two, Will was just as much of a trouble starter and chaos magnet as the rest of the crew, especially since it was his actions and words that led for an increase in the amount of guards facing them down. And the third, and most valuable of the lessons, Santana was very skilled at hiding a disturbing number of weapons on her body. And if they should live to see tomorrow, Rachel was so getting her to teach her to do the same. It seemed like it was going to be necessary if she was going to continue associating with this crew.

* * *

><p>"Rachel?"<p>

"Yes, Tina."

"Remember when you asked me if I was regretting asking for help from pirates and I said a little less?" Rachel nodded, though the dim lighting in the cell did little to make the movement noticeable. "I think that answer is definitely yes."

"Well, better late than never," Rachel replied, shaking her head. She knew that she was looking forward to more adventures but this was beyond ridiculous. Only these guys could go from being arrested for kidnapping to the guests of honor at a ball to being locked in a cell awaiting execution in the morning. And she was going down with them.

"I'm really rethinking the logic behind approaching them on the beach," Tina continued. "I wonder was any of this worth it."

Rachel started to reply when she heard Mike grunt. She looked to the other side of the cell to see the second (or was he the first this week?) mate pulling at the bars blocking the only window in the room with a cloth. It took both girls a moment to realize that the cloth was actually his shirt. Rachel knew that the crew was in the best shape possible thanks to the exercise that Will insisted they do every day but this was…. amazing.

"Ok," Tina murmured. "Maybe it's not all bad."

"This way is a bust too," Mike finally announced, oblivious to the drooling scrutiny of the two women. He turned to Sam and Santana who were trying to pick the lock on their cell. "You guys got it, yet?"

"Ugh, no," Santana growled in frustration. She glanced over her shoulder at the hunched over figure seated in the corner of the cell closest to Rachel and Tina. "Puck? You think you're ready to stop guilt tripping and help us?"

"This is my fault," he moaned, burying his face in his hands.

"I take that as a no," Sam nodded, turning his attention to back to the lock. Santana opened her mouth as if she was going to say something more but Will shook his head minutely. She huffed but returned to their adventures in lock picking. But judging by the increasing amount of expletives spilling from her lips, it was not going well.

This was it. They were going to die in the morning all because Puck refused to marry and impregnate a spoiled princess. Or rather Will refused to allow Puck to marry and impregnate a spoiled princess. Puck seemed willing to bite the bullet and take the hit for the team but Will made him promise not to do it. So here they were waiting for morning when the entirely too gleeful Sebastian would probably come skipping down the hall to their cell to lead them to their deaths. She groaned quietly at the thought and wondered idly if Santana had one more knife hidden that she could borrow.

"Rachel?"

She looked up to see Puck staring at her. She moved off of the single cot in the cell to sit beside him on the floor. He gave her a strange look as she settled on the grimy floor. She returned the look with one of her own. Like she cared about what happened to this dress. She only regretted that she wasn't going to get to give it a burial at sea as she originally planned.

"You ok?" she asked, once she was sitting.

"No! I mean what do you think? This whole thing is my fault. We're all going to die because I keep attracting the crazies." Rachel winced at the unintentional jab. She was well aware that in the beginning he thought she was crazy. And neither of them was in denial of the unspoken attraction between them. She just didn't want to be lumped in the same category of the women that thought drugging him was the best way to get his attention. He caught her look and smiled a little. "Present company of course excluded."

"Why thank you," she laughed softly. "Puck, I know that you think that this is your fault… and it partially is because honestly, after five times you'd think that you'd learn to be a little more cautious with accepting drinks from strangers. But this isn't your fault. Your uncle is right to protect you. He's looking out for your best interest."

"So it's in my best interest to watch my friends hang?" he countered his voice dark but low. He knew as well as she did that the others were only pretending to give them privacy. They were all openly listening but hiding it relatively well.

"It's in your best interest to avoid trapping yourself in a loveless marriage where your only purpose is to bring a child into the world," she retorted. "Trust me, from the child's perspective, that's not a life."

His eyes softened even as he took her hand in his. "Sorry."

"Not your fault," she returned, bumping her shoulder against his.

"I'm sorry that I dragged you into this mess. Should know better by now. Any woman that actually wants to marry me has to have a few screws loose," he snorted, shaking his head. "This is so screwed up. We would be in Carmel by now if I hadn't gotten us in this situation."

"If you think about it, I bear some responsibility in this as well. After all, I am the one that wanted Blaine to join us."

Puck nodded. "You're right. I'm not the one to blame here. This is your fault."

"Puck! I said I have some responsibility! Not the whole thing!" He laughed and it was such a welcome sound that she didn't give any further protest to his placing sole responsibility on her. Well, she didn't protest out loud at any rate. She watched as he unfolded his body, stretching his legs out and leaning back against the wall.

With the return of Puck's good mood, the tension in the cell also lightened. Rachel was giving more weight to Will's theory that the others paid more attention to Puck than him. Because even though they were all going to die in the morning, the crew seemed less panicked and frustrated now that Puck was not crouched in the corner hiding from the world (and them, mostly them).

"Psst, is it clear?" Rachel glanced around the cell to see similarly confused faces looking around as well. "Psst?"

"Britt, there's no one down here, remember?"

That voice. Rachel knew that voice. It was the voice of the person she regretted meeting more than anyone in her life. Well, maybe that was Quinn, but he was pretty high up there on the list. Blaine, accompanied once again by his sister, stopped in front of their cell. Rachel glared up at him.

"You have a lot of nerve showing up here," she hissed. "What do you want?"

"To help," Blaine replied, not at all taken by surprise by her anger. "I know you all hate us and you have every right to but I promise you not everyone in my family is insane. Cooper is just afraid of Quinn. That's the only reason why he agreed to her locking you in here. But I'm not afraid of her."

"Mostly because I can see that Quinn would never actually kill him," Brittany chimed in.

"Well, yes, there's that part of it," Blaine grumbled, glaring at his sister. He pulled a ring of keys out of his pocket and opened the previously pirate proof locks. For several long moments, the cell's occupants stared at the royal siblings. "Is there some particular reason you're all just standing there? I managed to get rid of the guards for now but they're not staying away all night."

"It's just that…." Puck trailed off.

"We're not exactly used to being rescued by other people," Sam finished. "It's weird."

"Really?" Blaine stared at them now in surprise. The crew continued to stare in non-comprehending silence.

Rachel patted him on the shoulder in sympathetic understanding. "I know. They're mind boggling. Honestly, it's best to just let them have a moment. It leads to fewer headaches down the road."

"It only took us a week to learn that," Tina added, nodding. "So how much trouble are you going to be in for freeing us?"

Blaine rolled his eyes. "Quinn will probably target me (never Britt) for a few weeks before she goes back to plotting to get Cooper off the throne. Sebastian will most likely bitch for a month or so before remembering that he wants me. And Cooper won't care once those two stop making a big deal out of it. So basically, it's going to be headache inducing for the next few months but nothing I can't handle."

"But you shouldn't have to," Rachel argued. "It's Quinn's fault for being crazy." Blaine shrugged but she could see the tension in his features. She paused for a moment before coming to a decision.

"No," Puck said, before she could even form the question. "No, that's what got us in this mess in the first place!"

"But Puck! He saved us. We owe him now."

"She's got a point," Will agreed. Puck threw an exasperated look in his direction. "I know that it caused some trouble in the beginning. But you know as well as I do that leaving them behind is not a good idea."

"Them?" Puck repeated with eyes wide. He glanced over at the hopeful Blaine and Brittany before sighing heavily. "Super. Welcome to the New Directions. Now can we get the hell out of this crazy ass kingdom before something else happens?"

"Best idea you've had all day!" Will cheered, slinging an arm around his shoulders. "Now let's go home."

Rachel watched the smile on Puck's face at the word home not even noticing the smile on her own lips. She found she was missing the floating pile of wood and metal too. It was more home than her parents' house or even her bedroom in the castle. This was getting more and more complicated by the day.

* * *

><p>Puck was in his bunk sleeping off a magic induced hangover with Will watching over him. Santana somehow conned Tina (though probably didn't take very much) into showing her all the things they could make out of chocolate. Mike and Sam were most likely watching while waiting for scraps to be thrown their way. Artie was at the wheel with both Puck and Will down and Blaine was keeping him company. This left Brittany alone, which is exactly how Rachel wanted her at the moment.<p>

She found the seer princess in one of the rooms specifically kept for the female members of the ship. Originally, it was Santana's sanctuary but now there were three other women. Santana didn't seem to mind nearly as much as they thought she would. Brittany was sitting on the bed, pulling a brush through her long hair.

"Hello, Rachel."

Rachel's eyes widened as she hovered in the doorway. "How did you know I was here?"

"I saw you."

"Oh, you saw… so you know what I'm here to talk about?"

Brittany gave her a confused look before pointing at the mirror. "No, I saw you coming in the room. Like I literally saw you." Rachel felt really dumb. "But I already have an idea why you're here. It's about the prediction. The one where you're going to marry a prince."

"Yes," Rachel swallowed around the lump in her throat. "How did you know about that?"

"Santana told me."

Rachel rolled her eyes. Why did she always have to pick the big mouth women as friends? She really wanted to introduce Santana to Mercedes. They'd either kill each other or be best friends for life.

"Yes, I wanted to speak to you about that. Is it… is it true?"

Brittany nodded. "Of course. Seers are rarely wrong. We don't tell people things because it amuses us, you know?"

Rachel gave her a hint of a smile. "I know… it's just that… there are no loopholes? Like he's an actual royal prince?"

"Yes, an actual royal prince born to a king and a queen."

She chewed on her lip. "Have I already met this prince?"

"Duh," Brittany tilted her head to the side. "You're already on well the path to your destiny. You're already loved by a prince. You're his sun and moons and stars and rainbows. It's totally adorable."

Rachel did not feel like it was adorable. Because if Brittany was right, and as she said seers were rarely wrong, then she was betraying Finn with every second she spent with Puck. This conversation did little to relieve her anxiety. If anything she felt worse. Because she was stuck. She was engaged to a man that apparently loved her like she was meant to be loved while she was falling more and more in love with a man that attracted danger and had little to no ambition for a life other than attracting danger. So really if anything, Rachel was even more conflicted and more confused than she was before she spoke with Brittany. This was not good.

"Thanks, Princess… Brittany. Thanks, Brittany," Rachel remembered the siblings repeatedly reminding them that neither of them needed to be referred to by their royal titles. "This has been… good."

She was out of the room before she could see Brittany's eyes narrow in confusion. She was almost up the stairs before Brittany could even wonder aloud why the other girl was so upset.

* * *

><p>*Hopefully I'll have the next chapter up in a couple of days. And then it's only one more chapter after that. Yay! Ciao for now.<p> 


	4. The Storm Before the Calm

**Summary:** Once upon a time, there was an evil king that tried to take over the kingdom of Lima. This is the story of the fair maiden who wouldn't let his schemes get in the way of her royal destiny and the pirates that helped her along the way.

**Pairings:** Finnchel, Puckleberry, Tike, Bartie, Samtana, possible future Klaine with some strongly suggested Seblaine and Kurtofsky

**Warnings:** Despite what this section may have said before, this is in no way shape or form canon. This story does not contain any spoilers because it's a total A/U with only the barest hints of canon.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own this show or anything related to this show. If I did I assure you I wouldn't be writing stories about them. I would be fixing the hot mess they're making of certain characters!

**Author's Note:** So it's been awhile. I'm very sorry for the massive delay. I got hit by writer's block with this chapter. But I struggled through it and I'm kind of happy with the way this chapter goes. Hope you enjoy as well! With any luck the next chapter won't take as long.

* * *

><p><strong>The Storm before the Calm<strong>

"Shouldn't you be sleeping? It's late or is it early? Guess it depends on how you look at it."

Rachel glanced up from the hypnotizing flow of the waves to the sudden rambling behind her. Though he was the one occupying her thoughts (pretty much all the time) she was still surprised to see him there. He was wearing the same clothes from the ball though his shirt was opened at the top and the jacket was long gone. The rising sun behind him provided an almost romantic background. She smiled.

"I could say the same for you."

Puck grinned, coming to stand beside her. "I was sleeping but then something woke me up. I couldn't fall back asleep so my uncle decided to tell me a bedtime story. Yes, please try and understand that one. His story was insane, as you can probably imagine. It involved a princess and a prince that didn't know he was a prince. I don't even know. I just tuned out and hauled ass when he went to investigate why Sammy and Mike are running up and down the halls like children on a sugar high. I mean it's pretty damn obvious. It's because they're children on a sugar high."

Rachel giggled, bumping her shoulder against his. "How are you feeling?"

"Like an ass," he admitted. "I seriously have to stop attracting witches."

"You should probably do something about your face then."

He started to reply when he realized what she said. "Did you just insult my face? Where did your fancy ass princess training go?"

"It went where most of your tact and logic goes."

"I make a lot of sense."

"Need I remind you of the sea monster hunt? What exactly were you going to do if you actually managed to catch one? At the expense of Sam I might add."

"Well, what would we lose in manpower with Sam, we would totally make up with our own sea monster. I was even planning on naming him Sammy to honor Sam's memory."

Rachel's eyes narrowed as she tried to tell if he was being serious. She decided for the sake of her own sanity that she would just pretend that he was joking. Though there was a glint in his eyes, almost regretful, that told her otherwise. Boys. Pirate boys.

"So why are you awake, anyway?"

"Just couldn't sleep. My mind won't let me rest."

Puck shuffled for a moment before reaching into his pocket. "I know that this is kind of wrong, ok, really wrong… but I have something that I want to give you. I didn't want to give it to you with the others around. They're so damn nosey!"

The corners of her mouth quirked as she turned to face him. She watched as he handed over a small box. Her brow furrowed in confusion before surprise and happiness passed over her face only seconds later. There in the tiny box were the hair clips she admired in the market. The golden stars with the moon carved into them. She didn't think he even noticed her looking at them.

"How did you… you were with me the whole time!"

He smirked. "Not the whole time," he reminded her, red creeping into his cheeks. "When you were introducing our new friend to the rest of the crew, I doubled back and bought them. You looked like you really liked them. So I thought… something to remind you of your trip."

Rachel's smile grew. "Thank you. But honestly, I don't think I'll ever be able to forget this trip."

"Is that a good thing?"

"It's a great thing."

"Good," Puck nodded. "Really good."

Rachel chewed on her lip before reaching a decision of her own. "Since we're in a giving mood, I also have something for you." He raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry I didn't have time to put it in a fancy box. Some idiot got engaged to a witch princess tonight."

"That jerk," Puck snorted. Rachel pulled at the sleeve of her gown until she was able to produce the present she'd been hiding for Puck the whole evening. His eyes widened in surprise before narrowing in suspicion at the two leather bands she placed there. "When did you get these? Did you steal them?"

"Apparently I'm better at this pirate thing," she smirked. "Besides Dalton owes us for all the grief they put us through."

"We need to hurry up and find your prince," Puck shook his head, a faint smile on his lips. "Your moral compass is creeping ever so slowly towards the south. It's not good."

She giggled. "I left a note."

"No more spending time with Satan. Clearly those bordering on illegal things you did in Lima were just the initial phase of a life of crime and debauchery."

"The crime part I sort of understand. Are you saying that Santana is living a life of debauchery?"

"Did she show you where she had that last knife hidden?"

Rachel felt her face heat up which was exactly what Puck was aiming for judging by the smug smirk on his face. "You're a jerk."

"We already established that, remember?"

She couldn't help the laugh that escaped. It soon grew into a full on giggling fit as the very hyper Mike and Sam went racing past with a livid Santana on their heels. She was waving some kitchen utensil in their direction while hurling very inventive curses and insults in their wake.

"I'm going to miss this."

"You could stay," Puck blurted out. "Crap! I don't know why I said that. Forget it. You can't stay here. You're going to marry a prince. Who would want this over that?"

Rachel swallowed the lump forming in her throat after hearing his slightly bitter words. "Puck, what do you think about prophecies?"

"I think they're bullshit," he shrugged. "But they're not normally wrong. It's confusing but to me it's like this. My uncle says that there was a seer present when I was born. She said I was going to be a great man. I know I'm a pirate but I've got to be worth something if people were willing to risk their lives... their freedom… just to rescue me. They're always willing to save me no matter how ridiculous the situation I caused may be. They're always there to pull my ass out of the fire. I have to be pretty good to inspire that kind of loyalty."

Rachel blinked a little in surprise at the passion in his words but then again, she wasn't really that surprised. She was long of the belief that there was more to Puck than he let people see. There were few that saw the real Puck underneath it all. The fact that she was one of those few that got to see those little glimpses just made her feel warm and fuzzy inside.

"We make our own destines, Rachel. I'm who I am because my uncle makes me want to be a good man. Not because some seer decided I would be when I was born seventeen years ago. What about you? Are you marrying Finn because you love him or because you're trying to live up to some prophecy?"

It was blunt, slightly inappropriate and all of what she liked about him. But Brittany's words played through her mind. It wasn't fair to Finn that she was entertaining thoughts of Puck. The prince loved her. He was her fiancé and he loved her. And she… well, she didn't know. It wasn't as if she had the right example of what love really was.

"I guess I don't really know. I feel a lot of things. I don't really know what love is. For all I know I could be in love with Finn."

He gave her that smile that she was starting to hate. Yes, she categorized his smiles. The one on his lips at the moment was the sad, wistful one that had a volume of emotions behind them and none of them were good for him. When he smiled at her like that she doubted everything. She wanted to throw it all away and fix whatever was making him smile like that.

Her thoughts stopped abruptly when she felt a warm, calloused hand on her cheek. Her lips parted on their own volition even as she leaned into the gentle touch. He was physically closer than he was standing before, staring at her intensely though that damn sad smile was still there.

"Rachel, I'm not much of an expert on the subject either but I think you'd know when you're in love with someone. If you can't imagine going a single day without at least seeing them, then it's love. If your heart stops beating because they're near you, then it's love." He let go of her cheek and took a few steps back. "And if you're willing to let them go because you know it's the right thing to do, then…. You're probably an idiot. But it's still love."

She laughed even though she felt the tears burning in her eyes. "Puck…."

"Noah."

"What?"

He shrugged. "That's my real name. Noah. I just figured… I wanted … I needed you to know that."

"Thank you."

He nodded slowly. After a few silent moments, he opened his mouth as if were going to say something more on the subject. But whatever he was going to say was lost forever as there was suddenly a very loud crash, followed by a splash. He groaned, leaning over the edge of the rail to glare at the very contrite and possibly drowning Sam.

"Santana! Mike! Please tell me you didn't actually push Sam overboard!" Puck yelled. There was no response. "Well?"

Santana's voice drifted over to them. "The thing is he might have accidentally stumbled after I accidentally pushed him."

"I'm surrounded by morons!"

"Puck! Dude, hurry up! Artie was wrong! Sea monsters are real!"

Puck shook his head, turning briefly to give Rachel an exasperated smile. "You really think you're going to miss this?" he rolled his eyes at Sam's continuous cries about the boat still moving away. "Quit your bitching. I'm coming. Damn sea monster would be better than you. Quieter at least."

"Yeah, before it ate us all," Santana chimed in.

"Shut up, Dream Killer," Puck retorted before going to join Mike and Blaine in the efforts to pull Sam back onto the ship.

Rachel watched them with amusement in her eyes. Yes, she truly was going to miss this. She was starting to wonder if losing this was worth being a Queen. No one in Lima was this fun or creative. If she was honest with herself, she really wouldn't miss the chaos or the random near death moments. Ok, maybe she would miss them a little as they were a nice way to break up the sea induced boredom. But what she would really miss was the opportunity to be Rachel. Here she didn't have to hide that she was sometimes bossy or selfish or passionate (not crazy as Santana liked to claim). She could be Rachel and they accepted that. They accepted her, flaws and all.

Did it matter if Finn loved her when she knew, and accepted, that she loved Puck? Did she want to be the queen of a kingdom full of people that taunted her, mocked her ambition and made her feel like crap? Or did she want to be part of possibly the worst pirate crew in the history of ever?

"Hey, guys! I think Sam really did find a sea monster! We are so naming him Sammy."

"Shut up and save me, asshole!"

"Sam, watch your mouth. And no, Puck, you cannot have a sea monster for a pet," Will chided as he stepped onto the deck beside his crew. He rested his arms on the rail watching the half hearted rescue attempt with a smile on his lips. It seemed the captain found his crew just as amusing as the rest of them. "What would you even do with a sea monster?"

"Be awesome?"

Rachel giggled. Her question was answered in that moment. It was a pointless question really. One road led to happiness and possible fairy tale endings while the other one led to never ending headaches and were the stuff fairy tales made you believe. But Rachel didn't believe anymore. She didn't care anymore. She knew where she belonged and she was going with that. But she knew that she needed to speak to Puck first. She owed him that much.

"Artie, you bastard!" Sam bellowed after Puck, Mike and Blaine finally managed to pull him back on deck. He was soaked, leaving a huge puddle where he stood. Puck and Mike wisely stepped away from the seething blonde who more closely resembled a wet puppy. "Why didn't you stop for me?"

"One, the water was calm enough that you didn't drift that far away. Two, the ship was moving pretty slowly. No point in stopping just to pick you up when clearly tossing a rope in the water worked just as well. Three, we already had an unnecessary side adventure due to your and Mike's stupidity that delayed us. We straight up cannot afford to make any more stops. And fourth, we're here."

They all turned in unison to see the land of Carmel in front of them. Rachel remembered her mother's stories from when she was a child. There were lush green hills and buildings made of stone and silver. But now there was only the bleak hopelessness that the residents of the village must feel on a daily basis. Despite her mixed feelings about Finn at the moment, she knew that she had to save him, if only so that Lima didn't befall the same fate.

Unconsciously her eyes drifted towards Puck, who was staring at the village where he was born, the village where his parents died, with a haunted look in his eyes. She started to go to him when Will cut her off. He put an arm around his nephew.

"We're going to fix this, Noah. We're going to make Dustin pay for all of this."

She watched as the haunted look gave way to a determined fierceness. He nodded his head. "Yes, yes we are." He looked at the crew who were loitering nearby, almost as if waiting for his next words. "What are you geniuses standing around for? Let's get ready."

Rachel could only watch as the previous joking was pushed to the background as Puck, Sam and Mike went about gathering their necessities for their portion of the plan. She tried several times to get him to stop long enough to talk to her, so she could tell him her decision but he suddenly developed a razor like focus. He was too "busy" to hear her calling to him. She knew damn well that he was trying to avoid her, because he thought he didn't want to hear what she had to say. If she wasn't so in love with the idiot, she might want to kick him a little bit.

A very small part of her wondered if she was reading the signs wrong. What if he didn't like her like she liked (loved) him? What if she was only imagining that he wanted her? But he did ask her to stay. Of course now he was straight up ignoring her like he did in the beginning before they got close. But he bought the hair clips. He did all but tell her that he loved her. Rachel finally realized after much internal agonizing that she wasn't reading the signs wrong at all. Puck was just emotionally stunted.

With a deep, long suffering sigh, Rachel came to the sad conclusion that she was in love with an emotionally stunted pirate. But she wouldn't change that for anything. She loved him and she was confident that she'd get through to his stupid ass eventually... Even if she had to literally beat it into him. She smirked at the thought before moving down to the lower levels where Santana and Tina were preparing.

Or rather where Santana and Tina were supposed to be getting ready. She supposed she should've mentally specified getting ready to rescue Finn. Because instead they were prepping what they called an intervention. Rachel didn't know what that was exactly but she did know that Tina and Santana should never be left to their own devices ever again. Sadly they were and this is how Rachel found herself sitting on her bed while the two women she unfortunately called her best friends detailed all the reasons she should give up on her "silly fantasies" and just "give in to the hotness that is Puck!"

"Really this is just a bit ridiculous now" Santana said resting her hands on her hips. "You obviously want him. God knows he wants you. So put us all out of our misery and just go for it already!"

"Ok."

"I mean it's just torture watching you two mooning over each other especially since you're perfect for each other. I've seen you with the prince. He doesn't look at you like Puck does."

"You're right."

"And really you're too smart to be with those lame ass boring royals. You're going to go stupid if you're stuck there too long. You belong with us. Mostly Puck but we want you to stay too."

"I know. I want to stay too. I am staying."

"Look, we know that you're not really in the mood to think about this right now but just promise us that you'll think about it before it's too late."

Rachel exhaled. "Either you've both gone deaf or stupid and/or you think I'm too stupid to get the point." Both girls stopped talking at her angry outburst. "I have been agreeing with you two idiots for the past five minutes! I love him. I love all of you. You're right this is where I belong and if you would just shut the hell up, you would know that!"

Santana and Tina blinked in surprise. Silence reigned over the three women leaving Rachel feeling awkward. She couldn't manage to tell Puck how she felt but she could blab it to Santana and Tina. She seriously sucked.

"Why didn't you just say that from the beginning?" Santana asked with a smirk on her lips. Rachel's eyes widened before she realized that was the reaction she was trying to provoke. Almost against her will, Rachel felt the laugh forming. The other two girls sat besides her, also laughing. Rachel held both of their hands.

"So we're in this together? We female pirates have to stick together."

"All for one and one for all."

"Where you'd get that from?"

"Oh I read that in some book somewhere. I don't think it's that popular."

"Huh," Tina drawled. "Well it works. Now let's get this rescue mission over with and hope that no one dies horribly so Puck and Rachel can have their whole swoon worthy moment."

"There's a reason I like you. It just escapes me at the moment."

"Happens to most people."

* * *

><p>Friends are highly overrated. Sure they come in handy when you were bored or in need of another set of hands to help you pull off some ridiculously stupid stunt but sometimes friends weren't worth a damn. Puck officially found that this was that type of moment. It wasn't even like he was trying to hide the bands. He wasn't. Ok, maybe he was but it was only because he knew how stupid they would be about the whole thing. He knew that they would make assumptions about the fact that Rachel got the bands for him. They would start hinting that there was something more going on between them. Maybe there was but it was all over once they saved the prince. So maybe he just wanted to keep the bracelets a secret for now. Enjoy his final moments of knowing what could be before he had to give it all up. Of course that was ruined before it even began. Stupid asshole guards and their stupid complex shirts.<p>

Their part of the plan was simple. He, Mike and Sam were to act as a distraction. Given that even when they weren't trying they were pretty damn distracting, Puck did see the logic behind that decision. So they were the distraction while Will snuck in to confront Dustin and do whatever it was that he was going to do. Puck decided not to give it too much thought. The girls were to break the prince out while the three of them caused chaos and mayhem. Artie and the Dalton siblings were on hold as the backup. If they didn't set off the signal shot at the appointed time then they knew the rescue crew was in trouble and they were to use their best judgment when it came to either fleeing or trying to get them out. Puck knew Artie. He wouldn't let them go down alone. He would come in after them. Well the crew that sailed together, died together. It was kind of fitting.

However, certain members of said crew might not live long enough to die heroically with the rest. Especially if they didn't shut the hell up about Rachel's gift! They'd been teasing him for the better part of a half an hour and he was ready to shoot both of them. He tugged his stolen shirt down over his wrist. Stupid shirt. This was all the shirts fault. Mike came up with the idea of taking out a few of the guards and indefinitely borrowing their uniforms so that they blended in better. It was while they were changing into the borrowed uniforms that the annoying duo caught sight of the two leather bands adorning each of Pucks wrists. Sam innocently asked where he got them from and Puck stupidly answered before remembering his friends were  
>assholes.<p>

So here he was stalking down the castles many corridors knocking expensive looking portraits of what appeared to be the king off the wall with ire growing. Mike and Sam trailed after him continuing a running commentary about the sad state of his love life and kicking over the many suits of armor decorating the halls. Puck was only too happy to see a large group of people turn into their section of the hall. Hopefully it was someone he could punch so he didn't end up killing the morons he called friends.

"Guards!"

Puck was startled out his homicidal thoughts at the strangely accented voice. He blinked at the odd assortment of people standing before him. He thought that his crew looked weird together. They had nothing on these guys. From what he could tell there were two women, although one of the women was larger than him and definitely more manly than him. The other was clearly a woman who was out of her element. She had flame red hair with large brown eyes that were flitting around nervously, though when they landed on Puck there was just a hint of something else there. He didn't dwell on that thought knowing she would get around to whatever it was eventually. They always did.

The final three members of the group were younger than the women and seemed content to follow their lead. One of them had long hair that was twisted into dreads. His hands rested on a large hunting knife strapped to his hip, though he looked less pleased about having to use it. There was one with the frizziest hair he had ever seen and he lived on a boat. Seriously did he never hear of a comb? The one that spoke was gangly looking and easily dismissed. Artie on a bad day could take that kid with his eyes closed.

Puck's eyes flickered to the two women who were studying him at the same time he was dismissing them as a threat. He raised an eyebrow silently prompting them to explain. It actually worked.

"You're not guards," the redhead said warily.

"What gave that away? The proper hygiene or the fact that we don't suck?"

"It might be that you're trashing the place," Dreads replied, his hand easing away from his knife.

"There is that" Sam smirked. "So who are you guys?"

"We are all that remains of the resistance against Dustin and his reign of tyranny," the manly woman answered. "My name is Shannon. This is Emma. And the boys are Joe, Jacob and Rory."

Puck resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Was he wearing a sign that said he wanted to make new friends lately? It was then that he noticed the redhead's scrutiny increase. "Lady, what is your damage?"

Emma blinked with her huge doe eyes. "Oh I'm sorry. It's just that you remind me of someone I used to know."

Puck had a feeling it was "used to know" because she was totally creepy. But he kept that thought internal. And his uncle said he lacked social skills. Ha!

"So you're bold. Attacking the castle full of armed and pissed off guards with five people," Puck drawled.

"We weren't trying to attack the castle," Jacob squeaked in protest. Puck glared. He squealed further hiding behind Joe who just looked annoyed.

"We're here to free the prince."

"Well he is one popular guy cuz that's what we're here to do."

"You're here to help Prince Jesse?"

Pucks brow furrowed as he looked to Sam and Mike. "Uh, no. Isn't he the bad guy here?"

"No, he's been aiding the resistance," was most likely what Rory was trying to say but his accent made it difficult to understand. But Puck was more than a pretty face and only too fluent in the random slurring brought about too much ale or exhaustion. Deciphering Rory's accent wasn't much more difficult than figuring out what Sam was trying to tell him after a night of too much fun with Santana.

"Wait, he's been helping you? But I thought his dad was like evil."

"Yeah," Joe agreed. "His dad is evil. Jesse is... Not as evil. He's pretty much a bastard but he's helping us try to fix what his father has done to this land."

"Dude, you're like younger than us. How would you know what it was like?"

"Some of the older people try to keep our history alive. They tell us stories about the true king and queen. And about the fallen prince." Shannon shook her head while Emma looked even sadder but still kept casting furtive looks his way. That was getting really annoying now.

"Ok. So if that's the case and he's helping you guys out, why are you getting him out of here? Shouldn't he stay here where he's useful?"

Shannon's wistful expression grew darker. "We just saw a ship bearing the Lima flag land off the coast. I don't think they'll be much in the mood to hear that he's been helping to keep their prince alive and well. They're armed and suited up. I don't think they're here to surrender. We need to get him out of here."

Puck rolled his eyes and groaned inwardly. Seriously, he was starting to wonder about the signals he was putting out to the universe. Either they wanted to be his friend or they wanted to tell him their entire life story before essentially guilt tripping him into helping them. He already knew without looking that Mike and Sam would back him in whatever he decided.

"Where is this guy anyway?"

"You're actually going to help us?" Shannon asked a bit suspiciously. "Aren't you pirates?"

Puck sighed. "So looking into a career change. Look, like I said we're here to free the stupid Lima prince that's found himself in a ridiculous situation. If your stupid prince has been helping our stupid prince then he's technically an ally. So we will help you guys out. 'sides apparently I'm from here anyway. Can't leave my people in a lurch."

Emma's eyes got even wider than possible but she didn't seem to be in the mood to share why. Puck really didn't care either way. Shannon caught the look but didn't comment on it either. "Jesse is probably down in the dungeons with the captive prince. The other guards have been getting angry with him and messing with him. Jesse has been trying to distract them from killing him."

Oh, that was just super! Stupid Prince Jesse was downstairs with even stupider Prince Finn and the girl he loved. Damn woman was destined to marry a prince and now she had two actual princes right there for the picking. Half of him wanted to run down there and put a stop to whatever was happening. But the other half wanted to crawl into a corner and sob. Instead he turned to Mike and Sam.

"You guys stay with these them. Keep up with the distraction plan. If you see the Titans try not to engage them if you can help it. I'm going to warn San, Rachel and Tina that the real cavalry is here."

His friends nodded before ushering the ragtag group of rebels ahead of them. Emma lingered behind for a moment staring at him with that same nameless emotion in her eyes. "Be careful, Noah."

"How did you know my name?"

She smiled softly. "We've been waiting for you for a very longtime," with that, she spun on her heels rushing after her friends. Puck stood in the hall with a confused expression on his face. What the hell?

* * *

><p>There is a saying that you can never go home again. To Will that was never more true than it was as he walked through the painfully familiar corridors of Carmel Castle. No matter what the outcome was today, nothing would change the fact that this was no longer the home he knew. It could never be his true home again. His real home was eighteen, had six different smiles (according to Rachel), swore like a… pirate and looked so much like his mother it hurt sometimes. His home was Puck. This place was just a museum of memories. But he hoped that one day he could make it into something different.<p>

His breath caught in his throat as he reached his destination. He knew Dustin. He knew that his former friend was a narcissist. And despite the fact that all hell was breaking loose in the castle, he wouldn't leave the throne that he fought, slaughtered, for even just a minute. He was standing in the far corner of the room. Will saw him but chose to put off engaging him in favor of taking a look around the room. He made sure to keep a peripheral eye on Dustin but he knew this was the best way to wind Dustin up and he just needed to remember.

The two thrones were still side by side. If he looked long enough he could almost see the royal couple sitting together, fingers tangled together loosely as they held court: the benevolent king and his beautiful, charming wife. The Queen was beloved by all of her subjects but there was one that loved her more than the others. Will couldn't help but love her. He practically raised her after all. To her people, she was a queen. But to him, she was the irrepressible ball of energy that insisted on getting into mischief and mayhem at any cost. She was his sister. She was a little monster growing up but he loved her more than life.

He was twenty four when his younger sister, Deborah, fell in love with the prince, Aaron. They complimented each other well. Will didn't think he would ever see his sister as happy as she was on the day she walked down the aisle to where Aaron stood waiting for her. That is until she gave birth to her first… and only child, Noah.

Deborah loved Noah more than he ever thought possible. But the feeling wasn't just restricted to his mother though. Wherever he went people gravitated towards the little prince. Even as an infant he held a natural charisma that drew people in. It only grew as he got older. He was just like his father. Aaron could make mountains move with a simple smile. Puck only needed to look in their general direction. He would be a great king. But first Will needed to clean up a few loose ends.

"You know I heard that there were some people causing a ruckus in the  
>castle. I thought it was those damn rebels again. Imagine my surprise to find out that it's you back from the dead!"<p>

Will didn't turn away from his halfhearted viewing of a portrait of Dustin to face his former friend. He was aware of the man's eyes tracking every moment he made around the room. But he couldn't face him. Not right now. Not with all the emotions running through his blood. He knew that Puck didn't believe him but he was going to try. He was going to try and walk away from this being the same uncle that Puck always knew. But standing in the room where he found his sister bleeding to death trying to save her last breath to tell him where to find her son, he couldn't focus. He could feel her blood on his hands. Feel the tears in his eyes as he tried to say goodbye to the woman he rose after their parents died. He could almost see the slowing rise and fall of her chest.

"You know this is where I killed her, right?"

Will clenched his jaw, repressing the urge to respond. He knew that's what Dustin wanted. He wanted to provoke him. Dustin was skilled with fighting but his true strength lay in knowing what emotional button to push on his enemies. It's how he gained the upper hand in  
>their struggle all those years ago. He told him the truth about his own son. He always had doubts that his wife was completely faithful to him but he never thought that she would betray him with his best friend.<p>

"So you travel all this way just to ignore me? Come now, William. That's no way to treat an old friend."

"It's been quite some time since I considered you a friend, Dustin."

"You're not still carrying a grudge because I killed your sister and her brat, are you? Didn't anyone ever tell you that grudges cause wrinkles?"

At this Will did turn around. Dustin looked... Terrible. It would explain all the portraits. He wanted to remember how he used to be.

"Speaking of wrinkles," Will snorted gesturing to the other man's face. "It seems hostile takeovers don't agree with you. Didn't they teach you how to pull one off in pirating school?"

Dustin frowned minutely before easing his features back into the same placid expression he wore that night as he ripped Will's life to shreds with mere words.

"Guess death really does become you, William. I see the rumors of your death were greatly exaggerated."

"Well, I did promise I was going to make you pay for what you've done. Can't really do that if I'm dead. And you know me, Dustin. I'm a man of my word."

"You were always painfully honest."

"I'm also not the only ghost from your past here to see you today, old friend."

Dustin's brow furrowed. "Of course. Noah is still alive. Never send a child to do a man's job. Should've snuffed that brat first chance I had. Instead I trusted his death to my son. You remember him, right? Although I'm starting to think he might be yours after all."

"Oh, really? Is Jesse not showing the same bloodthirsty madness?"

"Worse," Dustin replied. His tone was almost friendly. To anyone that was unfamiliar with the two men, it was almost as if they really were still like brothers. But they wouldn't notice the way Will's hand twitched as if prepared to draw his sword at a second's notice. They also wouldn't see the way Dustin's eye ticked as he sized up his old friend.

"What could possibly be worse than being the son of a psychotic, self absorbed, murderous traitor?"

"Don't hold back, William. Tell me exactly how you feel."

Will smiled but it was one without humor. One that reflected the darkness that settled in his soul that horrible night. "I would much rather show you how I feel."

Dustin smirked back, but Will saw it falter. "Yes, I do think I was wrong. Jesse is your son after all. He's got your bleeding heart tendencies. He's been helping the rebellion against me."

Will didn't need to feign the surprise in his voice at that revelation. "He's helping a rebellion and you let him live? You must be losing your touch."

Dustin snorted. "I was getting around to it but his mother seems almost unnaturally attached to him. And well, she is good in the sack. But of course, you already knew that!"

Will grit his teeth, reminding himself of the promise that he made to Puck. "I very strongly dislike you, Dustin."

"Wow, all it took was mention of your former wife," Dustin laughed. "And I was so enjoying our back and forth."

Will cursed as a side door to the throne room opened and a woman came stumbling in. Her blonde hair was in disarray and her chest heaved slightly as if she ran a marathon. Wide blue eyes darted around the room before landing on Will standing across from her.

"William… you're alive!" Terri gasped, looking between her first and current loves. "But how?"

"How did I live after you actually stabbed me in the back?" Will finished, glaring in her direction. "It was tough but I managed. You can thank Emma for that one."

Terri's face contorted briefly in rage at the mention of the long ago rival for Will's affections but smoothed into one of sorrow. During the years, Will had a lot of time to think about how this moment would go. He had various ideas in mind about what would happen. One of which would involve him forgiving the remorseful Terri and riding off into the sunset. That was in the beginning before the enormity of her betrayal sank in. It wasn't that just she possibly fathered what he thought was his son with his best friend. It wasn't just that she stabbed him in the back and left him for dead. It wasn't just that she allowed his sister to be murdered. It was all of those things and so much more. It was also that Puck had to grow up confused about his family and why he didn't have a mother and a father. It was that Will had to leave behind the only home he knew to make sure that the only family he had left wasn't dead as well. When he finally realized that, he didn't imagine this moment happening any other way than bad.

"I never thought you would do that to me… betray me like that. How could you, Terri? How could do that to Deborah or to Noah?"

Terri's eyes welled with tears. Whether they were sincere or not, Will didn't know or care. "You have to believe me, William. I never meant for this to happen!"

"You didn't mean to stab me in the back before I could hurt your boyfriend? You didn't mean to leave me lying there waiting to die while your boyfriend finished off my sister and her husband? You didn't mean to rob Noah of his parents and a proper childhood? Are those the things you didn't mean? Or how about how you betrayed our marriage with my best friend?"

Terri opened her mouth to respond but the words failed her. She fell to the floor in a sobbing heap. Will rolled his eyes in disgust, noting that Dustin did the same. The two former friends exchanged exasperated glances before nodding.

"So now that the melodramatics are out of the way, are we going to do this or what?"

Will smirked. "Let's."

* * *

><p>"This is the face that launched a thousand ships?" Santana drawled, tapping a finger against her crossed arms. Her eyes were locked on the pathetic figure in the cell opposite the three girls. "He's pasty."<p>

"He's been locked up for almost a month," Rachel countered, trying to find the keys. "You'd be pale too if you haven't seen the sun in that long."

"I'm pretty sure he's always looked like that," Santana said, wrinkling her nose. She glanced at Tina, who gave a tiny nod in agreement. Rachel huffed, finally finding the key ring. "I have to say I'm slightly disappointed. For all that we've been through to get to this dude, I expected someone... hotter."

"You realize that your standards of hot are set to a ridiculously unobtainable level, right?" Tina commented, watching Rachel struggling to find the right key. It seemed that neither woman was in a hurry to help their friend. And that had everything to do with her fiancée or rather her soon to be former fiancée. Although that sooner was coming a lot quicker than she planned if he didn't learn to shut up.

"I seriously can't believe you're running around with pirates!" Finn repeated for what had to be the fifth time since they found him twenty minutes ago. "You do realize that this is treason in the eyes of the kingdom."

"It was the only way. Your parents were willing to sacrifice the entire kingdom to Dustin to get you back! This was the only way that I could see to free you and to save the kingdom."

"So if that was their decision, you should've honored it!"

Rachel paused with the key halfway to the lock. "Are you serious? Take a look around you. Dustin is poison. He would kill everything wonderful about Lima. You really think that your parents made the right decision to hand over the kingdom?"

"If they decided that my freedom was worth it, then you should've listened to them. Instead you betrayed your King and Queen by joining up with pirates! It was an irresponsible choice and it doesn't speak well for future as my queen."

For a brief moment, Rachel felt shame rushing through her beings. He was right. This whole journey was because she lacked impulse control and the ability to realize that maybe she should've thought this plan out better before agreeing to follow Tina. The whole thing was reckless and stupid. And she…. She glanced over her shoulder to where Santana and Tina were standing side by side watching the engaged couple. They were both wearing expressions that were equal parts concerned and annoyed. Santana's hand rested on her left arm where Rachel knew she had some weapon hidden.

Maybe the trip was reckless and irresponsible. Maybe she did start it for the wrong reasons but honestly, she didn't regret a second of it. This trip led her to a better understanding of herself and more importantly to the most amazing group of people she could ever ask to meet. Most importantly, it led her to Puck. He might not be the prince in her prophesized future but he was the man she loved. He was the one she saw happily ever after with. Her eyes drifted back to meet Finn's.

"You know if you were half the man that these pirates were, you still wouldn't be worth the effort that they've exerted rescuing your ungrateful carcass! Now do us all a favor and shut up before I forget that you're still the prince of land I call home…for now."

"I knew there was a reason I liked you," Santana murmured appreciatively. She pushed herself off the wall she and Tina were leaning against and smirked. "So can we just get Gigantor and go already? The longer we're in an area, the more opportunity Puck has to attract trouble. That's of course assuming he hasn't already."

Rachel smiled faintly at the mention of the idea of Puck running amok throughout the castle doing what came naturally to him. Her hands absently touched the hair clips keeping her long brown locks out of her face. She chose to ignore Finn's increasingly more grating complaining about her lowly pirate connections and instead freed him from his cell. Due to the lack of space in the room, when he stepped out of the cell, he was physically closer to her than he was during their entire engagement. Yet she felt nothing. There was no fluttering in her stomach. Her heart didn't beat faster. Her mouth didn't go dry. She just saw Finn, Prince of Lima and current pain in her ass.

"Let's get out of here."

"Finally!"

Tina was halfway to the door when she was suddenly pushed back by an influx of guards. Rachel's jaw dropped even as Santana let loose a torrent of very creative (and correct) curses. The curses grew louder when another man walked into the room. His eyes were sharp and assessing. Finn muttered something unkind about him under his breath but that was hardly an indicator of whether he could be trusted as he was pretty much badmouthing everyone at the moment.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? Finn, you never told me the ladies of Lima were so… gorgeous," the newcomer drawled. His eyes drifting lazily over each of them, though Rachel wasn't oblivious to his gaze lingering longer on her. She just didn't care.

"Your highness, we found these women trying to free the prince," one of the guards reported. The smartass in Rachel wanted to point out that they didn't try to free Finn. They did free him as obviously he was standing behind them and not in a cell. But she refrained from indulging her Puck moments and instead just settled for glaring in their direction.

"I see," the man she now realized was the infamous Prince Jesse said, frowning slightly. "Well, you can go. I believe I'm more than equipped to handle this."

One of the guards shook his head, his brow furrowing. "Sire, I know that they're just girls but the odds are not in your favor. I think they may be part of the contingent from Lima that just landed. We're under orders from your father to watch you closely."

Jesse sighed heavily, wiping a hand across his face. For a brief moment, Rachel though she saw fear flash over his features before the cocky and arrogant mask was back in place. Despite not knowing anything about the man, she knew that the arrogance was just a mask. She was more than familiar with that particular technique as Puck displayed that to the world as well. And she was officially gone at this point. She was relating the evil baby killing prince to Puck. She had to get out of here so could just tell him how she felt already. Clearly he was invading her thoughts way too much.

"Why do you think the Titans are here?" Santana murmured thoughtfully. "I thought they were taking the cowardly approach and forfeiting the kingdom. It sounds like they're armed and ready for a war. So what changed?"

"I think it was Rachel," Tina replied. "The king looked completely surprised after you left. Maybe they finally bought a clue and decided to rescue Finn instead of letting the kingdom rot like Carmel."

Rachel heard them talking but chose not to reply. There was something about Jesse that made her feel like she knew him. She knew that she never met the man but there was something about him that seemed… familiar. But what that was she had no idea.

Any further rumination on the subject was cut off by a throat clearing behind them. She turned to towards Finn, who pushed her slightly behind him.

"What will it take for us to end this? Obviously my father has sent the army to rescue me. I think we could both agree that between us we can develop a way to end this without heavy losses on both sides."

Jesse shrugged. "I really could care less if any of these guys died. They're soldiers. That's what they do. And frankly, I really don't care about any losses from that eyesore you call a kingdom."

Finn flushed red but he visibly pushed back the urge to snap. If Rachel didn't kind of dislike him in that moment, she might've been proud. However, she did dislike him in that moment, so she was content to ignore him in favor of studying Jesse. There was something that was painfully familiar with him. But she still couldn't place it.

"Well I am concerned with the welfare of my people. What do you want?"

Jesse raised an eyebrow. His eyes darted towards the three silent women. "Who are they?"

"This is my fiancée, Rachel and her maid…. Uh, Tina? And this is some pirate trash they found along the way."

"Rach, I could care less if he loves you," Santana hissed. "He keeps it up with the attitude and I'm shoving my knife up his nose and rotating it."

"So this is the famous Lady Rachel," Jesse started, his voice smooth and full of the smug smile he wore on his lips. "Ok, Prince Finn, you raise an excellent point. The only thing I request of you is your beautiful fiancé."

"What the hell?" Rachel yelled in protest. She could barely keep the disgust out of her voice. "I'm not a piece of property. You can't just…."

"Fine," Finn's response cut off what she was about to say.

Rachel felt her eyes widen to epic proportions. "Are you kidding? Please tell me that you're joking! You're supposed to love me!"

Finn turned to her, flashing what she supposed was meant to be endearing puppy dog eyes. "Rachel, I do love you. But I have to think about my people. They take precedence over everything, including my own needs and desires."

Rachel shook her head. "You've got to be kidding me. You selfish bastard! I am so beyond done. San, Tina, let's get the hell out of here. If the Titans are here, this jerk is their responsibility."

Santana smirked, pulling out a knife. "It's about damn time, midget! I was starting to wonder about you a little bit."

Rachel threw her a dirty look that morphed into a smirk as the pirate lunged towards the captain of the guards. Well, that would teach him to think of them as 'only girls'. It went without saying that all hell broke loose in that moment. Rachel ducked as a guard attacked her. She fell into the rhythm that Puck taught her. Either he was an excellent teacher or the guards were used to ruling on fear alone. For the sake of her own ego, she would just believe it was the former.

She was so lost in the melee that she failed to notice Finn attacking a guard who drifted too close. She didn't notice him lifting the guard's gun, aiming at the unsuspecting Jesse. She also missed the unfortunate soul that thought attacking Tina was a smart idea. Just because she wasn't fighting didn't mean she was an easy target. The girl was born to be a pirate. She threw her would be attacker away over her shoulder in a needlessly complicated (but a favorite of Mike and Sam) move. He stumbled into Finn, who was too busy aiming to notice the man flying in his direction. His aim was shifted but he didn't register this. He simply pulled the trigger.

"Rachel!"

She stopped fighting as something solid and moving fast slammed into her, knocking her to floor. That same something dropped down beside her in an unmoving heap just a moment later. Rachel's eyes widened as she recognized the lifeless form next to her. She looked up at Finn who was holding the still smoking gun with a look akin to surprise and horror on his face. It took her only a minute to process the sequence of events that led to this moment but found she didn't care. Because it didn't matter. None of it mattered because it didn't change the fact that Puck was lying next to her, crumpled to the ground and not moving. She couldn't tell if he was even still alive. The rational part of her mind argued that he couldn't be alive because he was clearly just shot in the chest. The part of her that loved Puck with her whole heart couldn't grasp that he just died to save her life.

She reached for his shoulder tentatively, almost afraid to touch him for fear of hurting him further. "Puck?" her hand rested lightly on his shoulder. There was no response. "Puck, wake up. No, no, no, no, you can't do this to me. Not now. Noah!"

Jesse gasped. "Did you say…? Noah? And you call him Puck?"

Rachel didn't bother to respond. She heard Tina answer him but it was all background noise. All she could focus on was the too still man she loved. Tears stung her eyes as she realized that she never had a chance to tell him. And now it was too late. She was left holding onto the remnants of what she thought was her happily ever after.

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><p>*Cliffhangers are evil. This I know. Doesn't mean that they don't make for some damn awesome chapter endings. See you soon (crossing fingers) with the final chapter!<p> 


	5. All Those Fairytales Are Full of Shh

**Summary:** Once upon a time, there was an evil king that tried to take over the kingdom of Lima. This is the story of the fair maiden who wouldn't let his schemes get in the way of her royal destiny and the pirates that helped her along the way.

**Pairings:** Finnchel, Puckleberry, Tike, Bartie, Samtana, possible future Klaine with some strongly suggested Seblaine and Kurtofsky

**Warnings:** Despite what this section may have said before, this is in no way shape or form canon. This story does not contain any spoilers because it's a total A/U with only the barest hints of canon.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own this show or anything related to this show. If I did I assure you I wouldn't be writing stories about them. I would be fixing the hot mess they're making of certain characters!

**Author's Note:** We've reached the end of our journey. This story has been a blast to write but I'm kind of glad it's over so now I can devote my full attention to the other plot bunnies that have attacked my poor overworked brain. Also thank you to Maroon 5 for your wonderfully addictive song _Payphone_ which totally inspired this chapter's title. Anyway, enjoy!

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><p><strong>All Those Fairytales Are Full of Shit<strong>

Rachel didn't bother to respond. She heard Tina answer Jesse but it was all background noise to her. All she could focus on was the too still body of the man she loved. Tears stung her eyes as she realized that she never had a chance to tell him. And now it was too late. She was left holding onto the remnants of what she thought was her happily ever after. This was not how her story was supposed to end. This was not how _they_ were supposed to end.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there, barely touching him but she was willing to admit later that it was too damn long. She was Rachel Berry, damn it! She never sat back and waited for things to come to her before. She went after what she wanted and she almost always got her way. When she learned that she was supposed to be a queen, she went after her destiny with the passion and zeal of a champion. She always fought for what she wanted. And there was nothing in this world that she wanted, or needed, more than Puck. She was not about to let him die on her like this.

"Noah, you listen to me," she started, rolling him over so that he was lying on his back. He didn't move, not even a slight twitch. "You're the one that said we make our own destines. Well I've decided to amend mine to include you. That means you can't leave me."

She placed her hand on his cheek. His skin felt cooler but she wasn't sure if that was because she was rolling him around on the cold, dungeon floor or for another reason more ominous. "Please, Noah. I love you. Is that what you need to hear? I love you and I'm choosing you. I want to be with you. You can't leave me. You can't leave any of us. What would we do without you?"

"Knowing Sam and Mike, they'd accidentally start some kind of world war by eating a sandwich or something," Santana quipped, joining them on the floor by Puck's free side. Rachel idly wondered about the quiet in the room but she vaguely recalled Jesse ordering his troops to stand down. Had she not been engrossed by her pleas to Puck, she might've noticed the tight lines of tension in the corrupt prince's face. But she didn't notice. She was too consumed with the task of bringing Puck back through whatever means necessary.

Santana caught Rachel's eyes for a brief moment and nodded. "You have to wake up, babe. If you die, Will is going to straight up murder the hell out of Prince Finnocence over there. Naturally we'll have to help him, which is basically just going to start a fight between us and Lima. You know, I'd really hate to break my 'no killing' rule on Rachel's people. No offense, Rach."

"None taken," Rachel shrugged. She stroked his cheek gently. "You hear that, Noah? You can't die on us. We need you too much."

"Wait," Tina said, kneeling between her two friends. "Where's the blood? He should be bleeding but he's not. There's no blood."

Rachel glanced down at his chest. She could see the hole where the bullet struck but Tina was right. There was no blood there. On an impulse, Rachel ripped his shirt open, choosing to ignore the lewd comments from Santana and Tina. It didn't take long to find the answer to the lack of blood. Resting on the smooth, muscled (very well muscled and 100% hers) skin was a large, circular metallic necklace bearing an intricate design and a small, dented bullet. There was an ugly bruise forming on his chest spreading down his right side but it was the only mark on him. Santana's fingers pressed against across his ribs, checking for broken bones. That's when they heard the quiet groan.

"Ouch."

Three sets of eyes flew up to see a hazel pair blinking blearily at the ceiling above. Puck groaned as Santana continued to prod the deep purple and black marks on his chest. He batted at her probing fingers weakly.

"Getting shot does not feel good," he muttered. After a brief struggle, and a little assistance, he managed to prop himself up on his elbows. They watch as his eyes struggled to focus first on the three tears stained faces above him. His gaze slowly traveled down to his ruined shirt. A smirk formed before he realized that they were still surrounded by the guards. Though they were blocked from view by Jesse and Tina. He pouted looking back to his friends. "This is definitely not how this dream is supposed to go. Three hot chicks, yes. A bunch of dudes, hell no."

Rachel laughed, feeling the tears in her eyes, before she just threw all reservations and hesitation out the window. She carefully pulled him into a seated position before crashing her lips against his. There was only a brief second of hesitation before she could feel his arms winding around her body, moving her even closer. As her lips moved against his, Rachel felt finally complete. The whole world could've disappeared in the next moment and she wouldn't have noticed. She was holding him and he was breathing. The hell with everything else.

She belatedly remembered his injured chest, when he let out a small grunt of pain. It was enough to cause Rachel to pull away but Puck apparently did not feel the same way as he tried to dive back in. She smiled, resting her forehead against his.

"Better than your dream?"

"Much better," he admitted. "I heard you. You said that… that… you love me?"

Rachel pulled away so that she could see into his eyes. "Yes, I do. I love you."

"Are you sure? Because you've spent your whole life trying to live up to that prophecy. Are you sure you want to throw it all away?"

"A wise man once told me, 'we make our own destines'. This is me choosing mine. I don't care that I'm supposed to have an epic love story with some prince. I have that already with you. That's all I want."

Puck's lips slowly curled into her favorite smile of all. It was rare sight but it was worth it because it was beautiful. "So it's a pirate's life for you?"

"It's a pirate's life for us," she corrected.

"What happens when we meet this hypothetical prophesized prince?"

Rachel bumped her nose against his. "You have my permission to feed him to your stupid sea monster."

Puck chuckled. "Sammy isn't stupid. Now Sam might be stupid but Sammy is awesome."

"You're insane."

"And you love me."

She smiled broadly. "Yes, I do. I love you."

"Good. Because I love you too," he ran his hand through her hair. "I love you more than sun or the moon." His fingers touched the clips. "You're wearing them."

She lifted the cuff of his sleeve, eyeing the bands circling his wrists. "So are you."

"I have to admit, this is definitely not how I thought today was going to end," he said, still smiling. He rolled his eyes towards Santana, who was watching the couple with a smile of her own. "Hey, babe."

"You ever scare me like that again, I'll murder you myself," she replied, her smile fading away leaving a cold, dark glint to her eyes. Puck managed to nod, even though Rachel could see that he was definitely afraid. Santana sensed it too bringing a warm smile to her face. "That being said, it's a good thing you chose to wear your necklace, huh?"

Puck let out a shaky breath, pushing himself to stand. Once he was fully upright, he winced at the burning pain in his chest but still managed to lift his arm enough to rest against the cold metal of the necklace. "Will gave it to me the night I turned sixteen. He said that it was my father's and that he meant for me to have it on my sixteenth birthday. I figured if we were going to be in the place where my father was from the least I could do was honor him by wearing it."

"Just when I think Will would've been smarter to leave you on a deserted island somewhere, you say things like that and remind me that you're a human being underneath all that annoying," Santana grinned. He growled playfully in her direction and Rachel felt the world tilt back into place.

"Wow, what's with the crowd in here?"

From her place, practically plastered against Puck's side, Rachel felt his breath catch as his uncle causally sauntered into the room. Will looked as unaffected by everything going on around them as usual. She noticed that he seemed almost at home in the castle full of hostile guards. His sword was held tightly in his grip and there was a tell tale reddish substance staining the previously pristine blade.

"Puck, why are you half naked? What happened to your chest?"

Puck hastily fastened what was left of the buttons on his shirt while still eyeing his uncle warily. "The promise…?"

Will's nonchalant expression melted into one of understanding and caring. "He's in the throne room. I didn't kill him but he's definitely not going anywhere for awhile."

Her favorite smile was back on his face even as he nodded. "Thank you."

"No, thank you, Puck," he said, seriously. Rachel watched as he visually examined Puck for any other injuries, moving to Santana next and then both her and Tina. His gaze then traveled towards Jesse. "So, I hear you've been working on both sides of the fence."

Jesse lifted his chin, almost defiantly. "Yes, I have."

"Don't you think it's time you picked one?"

Jesse smirked, nodding his head. "I already have… Father."

Rachel was happy that hers was not the only jaw to drop open in surprise. "What the hell? He's your son?" Puck spluttered. "You told me that your wife and son died that night."

"No, actually I said I lost them. And I did, technically. Well, not really sure about the son part but whatever. Family isn't always a matter of blood any way."

Puck's eyes slid over to Jesse. He sized his newfound cousin up before shrugging. "This is probably the weirdest part of my day. That includes getting shot. Still not fun."

"Can we go home now?" Santana asked, sticking out her lower lip.

"Uh, about that," Will started but was quickly interrupted by the sounds of many footsteps approaching the dungeons. Rachel felt her heart sink at the sight of the Lima Royal Guards, the Titans, practically dragging in the rest of the New Directions crew, Artie and the Dalton siblings included, as well as some other people that she didn't know. But judging from the tension on both Jesse and Puck's faces, it wasn't a good thing that they were captured too.

"What happened to not engaging them?"

Sam glared. "We didn't engage them. They came in dragging Artie, Britt and Blaine and started pointing swords at us. It was a totally nonconsensual engagement."

Mike's nose wrinkled. "Don't say that again. Makes me feel like I need an adult."

"I definitely do," Artie groused. He glanced at the guard holding him. "That better be your sword and I mean the metal kind!"

"They're freaking worse than Sebastian," Blaine muttered. Brittany nodded in whole hearted agreement.

"Your highness, I'm glad to find you alive," an older woman stepped forward, approaching the silent Finn and ignoring the still bantering pirates. The woman looked around the very crowded dungeon. Her sharp gaze landed on Will and a curious frown pulled at her mouth. "Do I know you from somewhere? That rat's nest you call hair seems disturbingly familiar."

Will smirked. "I guess I have one of those faces."

The woman shrugged, turning back to Finn. "I see you managed to get free."

"Yes, I have, Sue," Finn said, stepping forward. He eyed the rest of the pirates. Rachel could tell that they were basically just humoring the Titans. There was no way that they were holding onto this crew. They were clearly just waiting for some indication from either Puck or Will as to what they should do in term of an escape. "Is this all of them?"

"Yes, your highness. We spotted the ship drifting slightly off the coast and found these three. The others were in the castle, for lack of better words, wrecking stuff." Sam and Mike exchanged smug smirks of satisfaction. "What shall we do with them?"

"What we do to all enemies of the kingdom: arrest them. Upon return to Lima, they will be hung as a warning to all pirates."

"A warning to what?" Santana snapped. "Not save idiotic princes?"

"I'm pretty sure every other pirate in the world got that memo but you guys," Blaine drawled. "Have you considered a career change yet?"

"I'm working on it," Puck replied, wrapping his arm around his chest.

"You can't arrest them," Jesse pointed out. "They haven't committed any crimes against your country. As a matter of fact they've actually helped you. Last time I checked, you didn't just walk out of that cell. You were helped by your fiancée, a maid and, what was it you called her again, oh yeah, the 'pirate trash'."

Five sets of eyes narrowed, and even Blaine and Brittany looked upset, as they all tuned to Santana. "He called you that?" Sam practically hissed. Santana beamed. "Why are you smiling?"

"Because you're just so adorable," Santana retorted, still grinning. "Like I care what Prince Gigantor has to say about me. I'm awesome and very aware of it."

"Listen, this has been wonderful but can we just agree that you have absolutely no grounds on which to arrest us and move the hell on?" Artie asked though his eyes were locked on Puck. Rachel felt the slight trembling from his body and knew that he needed to be sitting and soon. She caught Artie's gaze and nodded.

"You're pirates," Finn stressed. "And you also kidnapped the future Queen of Lima as well as her maid, Tracy."

"It's Tina, asshole," the former maid never known as Tracy snapped. "And we weren't kidnapped. We went willingly."

"So then you admit that you're guilty of treason?"

"Rach, no offense but your fiancé is kind of a tool," Mike said, shaking his head. He was about to say something else when he finally noticed that Puck was wincing. "Dude, what the hell happened to you?"

Rachel looked up and could see that due to her exuberant ripping, the top buttons were missing leaving his shirt hanging open. The vivid bruises were visible to everyone in the room.

"I got shot in the chest," he snorted. "We can wipe that off the list of things to do in life. So not fun."

"Why did you think it would be?" Blaine questioned, before clearly remembering who he was talking to. He would learn soon enough, Rachel was confident. "Anyway, how are you still alive? Aren't shots to the chest supposed to be fatal?"

"Ahem, I think you'll find that there are more pressing issues at hand," Finn said, clearing his throat, pointedly.

"Like what?" Brittany chimed in innocently.

"Like your impending deaths for acts of war against Lima."

Brittany rolled her eyes. "Like we're in any real danger. We've come way too far in this story to be killed off now. This is the last chapter. Your threats not even believable at this point."

"Fourth wall, Britt. Fourth wall," Blaine warned. "Anyway back to Puck and his conveniently never before mentioned exposition tool. I mean his necklace."

Puck raised an eyebrow, glancing over at Will. "We're returning them to Dalton after this is over, right?" Will shrugged. Puck sighed. "Damn it! I knew we were adopting them!"

"Last chapter, dude. Time to move it along."

"Right, well this was a gift from my father," Puck shifted the hand that was wrapped around his sore torso to lift the necklace up. Now that she was looking at it a second time, Rachel finally realized why the design seemed familiar. But before she could share the reason aloud, the captain of the Titans gasped.

"I knew I recognized that horrible hair and butt chin. You're the Queen's brother!"

Puck's brow furrowed. "The Queen, who?"

"The Queen of Carmel," he replied, softly. "Well, the late Queen of Carmel. She was my sister."

"Wait, if you're the Queen's brother… then that means that you're not really my uncle?"

Santana groaned out loud while the rest of the crew (including Rachel) settled for rolling their eyes. "Seriously? That's your takeaway from that? Damn, it's a good thing you're hot because you're really not that bright."

"Bitch."

"Moron."

Will stepped forward, ignoring the two sets of guards that appeared to be both confused and slightly bored with the scene. He lifted the necklace still hanging around Puck's neck. "This is the coat of arms designed for the royal family of Carmel. The king was given this necklace on his sixteenth birthday and it was always his wish to present it to his son on his sixteenth birthday. He wasn't able to but I made sure he got it anyway."

Puck swallowed. "You said that my father…. this was his… but that would mean that…. I'm the dead baby prince?"

Rachel grimaced but chalked his words up to shock. Admittedly it was pretty shocking. Although in retrospect, it really wasn't. The clues were all there the whole time.

"Yes, Noah," Will said, reverting to using his birth name. "You're Noah Aaron Puckerman, the only remaining member of the true royal family of Carmel. And that means that you're a prince."

"Actually," Jesse said, the corners of his mouth tilting upwards. "That makes him a king." Puck's eyes opened so wide, Rachel was worried that they might actually fall out of his head. "All hail the true King of Carmel, Noah!" he glanced at the confused guards. "In case you're all brain dead that means you kneel."

Silently, the guards, Jesse and Will all kneeled before the very confused newly titled royal. Sue smirked before kneeling as well, prompting the Titans to kneel. Puck's mouth opened and closed several times as he looked around the room.

"I… I don't know…."

"Always knew there was something special about you," Santana grinned. She glanced at the rest of the New Directions crew and Rachel wasn't surprised when they all went to one knee as well. Rachel started to as well but his grip tightened around her waist.

"Please don't," he pleaded. "I don't understand."

Rachel turned him around so that she was facing him completely. "You're the king, Noah," she smiled, gently.

"But this doesn't make any sense," Puck whispered. "There has to be some kind of mistake. I can't be a king! I'm a pirate."

"Not a very good one, love."

"Yes, that's true but…" he trailed off looking around the still kneeling people in the room. "Rachel, I can't do this."

"Yes, you can," she replied, confidence in her tone. She didn't know how she knew this for sure but she did. She knew that she was telling the truth. Puck was already a natural born leader. The same energy that kept the crew in line would be there to help him lead the entire kingdom. She knew he would do it. And even though he doubted it now, she knew she would be by his side to prove it to him every day until he did.

"Noah, trust me when I say that you will be an amazing king. Your people will love you. I promise."

He frowned. "Wait, what does this mean for us? I mean you were dumping the royal life to be a pirate with me. But it seems that I've got a bit of a royal thing going for me too."

"Silly, I could care less if you were a pirate, a prince or a peasant. I love you. I chose you, not your career or your title. I love you for you. You're my sea monster hugging witch bait."

Puck smiled broadly, leaning his forehead against hers. "Rachel?"

"Yes?"

"Want to rule a kingdom with me?"

She giggled, winding her arms around his neck. "Sure."

"Hey!" Finn barked. The Carmel guards rose in unison. Now that Puck's identity had been revealed, and it was clear that Dustin was ousted, the guards were showing their acceptance and loyalty to their new king. Not to mention, it was beyond obvious that none of them were too fond of the Lima prince. Finn ignored that, however, in favor of glaring at Rachel and Puck. "You're supposed to be my fiancée!"

Rachel raised an eyebrow. "Last time I checked, you traded me to the Prince of Carmel for Lima's freedom and peace. So really, Finn, I'm just living up to my part of the bargain. I have to think about the people of Lima. That takes precedence over everything, including my own needs and desires." Finn winced at his own words being thrown in his face.

"He traded you?" Puck repeated, incredulously. He glanced at Will. "Do I get to declare war on places?"

Will rolled his eyes. "Let's not have your first act as king be an international incident, ok? I'm very much aware of the fact that it's pretty much a given with you as a king but let's save that for a few years down the road."

"Ok, I guess," Puck grumbled.

"You traded your fiancée for freedom?" Sue asked, though it came across more as a disapproving statement. Finn flushed as several of the guards looked disappointed and slightly disgusted. "Come along, your highness. I believe that we have officially over stayed our welcome."

"You're not going to tell my parents about this, are you?" Finn's concerned voice asked even as Sue practically dragged him out of the room. The rest of the guards, save for one, trickled out after them. Rachel heard Will direct Sue to the throne room where they could find Dustin. Despite his need for vengeance, they all knew it would be easier to allow Lima to deal with Dustin than to place the murdering pirate's fate in Puck's hands. A decision that heavy would probably break the already too shaken young man.

"Lady Rachel." She snapped out of her thoughts as she recognized the Titan that stayed behind. Though he still bore some marks from his mistreatment at Dustin's hands weeks ago, David looked better than the last time she saw him. His eyes seemed lighter as well. "I'm glad that you're safe. I just wanted…to thank you."

"For what?"

"For reminding us that we're strong," he smiled. "After you left, the king realized that he was giving in to his fear. I know that he would want to tell you that himself but I have a feeling it may be a while before we see you in Lima again."

Rachel's eyes drifted up to Puck. "Yeah," she agreed. "I think you may be right." she looked back to the knight. "Take care of yourself, David. You're a good man." She kissed him on the cheek before moving her mouth beside his ear. "Say hello to Prince Kurt for me," she enjoyed the flush that spread across his cheeks. She pulled away to stand beside Puck again.

"Yes, well," David cleared his throat. "Farewell, Lady Rachel, King Noah," he bowed in their direction. "Thank you for helping to save my kingdom."

"You're welcome," Puck nodded. David smiled again before leaving the room. Jesse dismissed the rest of the guards shortly afterwards. As soon as they were gone, Puck's eyes were on his uncle. "So do you have anything you want to add to this, William?"

Will smiled smugly, draping an arm over the redhead that was dragged in with the rest of the crew. She beamed in his direction before nodding at Puck. "Welcome home, Noah!"

Puck narrowed his eyes before laughing incredulously. "You're insane, you know that? At no point in the past sixteen years did it ever occur to you to tell me that I'm a prince? Hell, even during the last two weeks?"

"When I found your mother that night, she made me promise that I would protect you. I honestly never thought that I would get a chance to go after Dustin. And even though I trained you and the others and I knew that you were strong, I didn't want to risk it. I didn't know if it would be worth the chance that I could lose you too." Will's smile dimmed. "But then Rachel found us. And I knew that it was fate."

"So was. Puckleberry fate," Brittany murmured in the background. She was ignored.

"Honestly," Puck started, shaking his head, "this whole adventure has been chock full of the crazy. Mostly just you though, Uncle Will."

"I topped the brainwashing witch and her psychic siblings," Will snorted. "Seriously though, welcome home."

Puck took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. He looked over to his friends. "So you guys are sticking around, right?"

"Yeah, because we've followed you all around the damn world on that floating death trap we call a ship, saving you from one ridiculously stupid situation after another just so that we could walk away when the single most incredible life altering event happens to you. Because why would we want to support you now? It's not like you've been there for any of us. Ever," Artie retorted. Sam, Mike and Puck gaped in his direction.

Santana smothered her laugh behind her hands. "I think what Artie is saying is that of course, we're staying, dumbass. You and Will took us in when we all needed someone the most. That means a lot to all of us. So of course we're going to be there for you. Besides, we're pretty much brother and sister at this point. That means I'm like a princess." An excited glimmer entered her eyes as a thought occurred to her. "Wait, if Puck gets killed before he and Rachel have babies does that mean I get to be Queen?"

"Well, I guess if you put it that way, possibly," Will said, frowning slightly. "Santana, there will be no assassination attempts on Puck. Real or not."

"Think of them as ways of keeping him on his toes to make sure he doesn't get lazy being a king."

Jesse looked mildly concerned. "Is she always like this?"

"Nah, sometimes she's full on crazy," Puck shrugged, ignoring Santana's assassination drill plans. Rachel could only imagine the years those drills were going to take off of her life. "So, cousin, do we have to worry about you making any real attempts on my life?"

"Seeing as how I went through all the effort of not killing you when you were helpless and not capable of fully kicking my ass, I'm going to go with no."

"About that," Tina said, eyeing Jesse suspiciously. "Everyone says that you killed the baby. Wouldn't Dustin know that you didn't?"

Jesse shook his head. "Dustin is an arrogant asshole. And that's coming from me. Anyway, he believed that as long as he ordered something to be done, it would be done. I told him I drowned Noah and he believed me. His mistake. Among many others."

"Why'd you help him in the first place?" Mike asked, leaning against Tina. Rachel had to smile at the subtle interrogation.

"Dustin," Jesse started, shaking his head in disgust. "Dustin came to me and my mother a few weeks before the siege. He told me that he was my real father. I was eight at the time and I suppose I was jealous of the amount of time that your uncle spent with the royal family. I didn't get it at the time. I didn't get that I was just recycling my mother's bitterness. But I believed him and I agreed to follow his plan. I guess I didn't think it would go as far as it did. That is until he told me to murder you. For a really horrible moment, I actually thought about it. But I couldn't go through with it. I was there the day you were born. Little Prince Puck."

Puck's lips curled. "You're the one that started calling me Puck."

"Noah seemed like too big a name for a tiny little runt like you," Jesse replied flippantly, but Rachel could tell that the nickname was given with genuine affection. "So I called you Puck. It wasn't long before everyone was calling you that."

"Cool," Puck nodded with a brighter smile. Jesse returned the gesture.

"So that's it? It's over now?"

All eyes flickered to Brittany. The seer was twirling a strand of hair through her fingers absently. Blaine elbowed her in the side. "Uh, Britt?"

"Oh, right. Yeah, it's over for now. I mean this part of the story anyway. Clearly there's the whole part where the kingdom has been left to wallow in misery and poverty due to being ruled by an egomaniacal tyrant who viciously overthrew the preexisting sovereignty. Not to mention the obvious identity issues that Puck is going to go through due to the fact that he always thought he was an ordinary guy when really he was the lost prince of Carmel this whole time."

"You're going back to Dalton," Puck said, pointing in her direction.

Brittany smirked. "No, we're not. You're already attached to us."

"We're very attachable," Blaine agreed.

Puck shook his head but Rachel noticed he didn't argue. He really was a softie. "As long as the drama is over for now, I don't really care about anything else. All I know is that I'm tired and everything hurts. I don't know about the rest of you but I'm finding a room and crashing. Then we're totally exploring this castle. I've never lived in something that didn't move."

"You shouldn't tell people that," Santana said, blinking. Never mind the fact that she hadn't lived in anything that didn't move in close to twelve years either.

"I could definitely go for a nap," Sam said, yawning as if to prove his point.

"Oh no, not you two," Puck said, glaring at Sam and Mike. "You two need to clean up the mess you made in the hall"

"But... but… you told us to do that!"

"That was Pirate Me. Now King Me is ordering you to clean it up by the time I wake up from my nap!" Puck snickered. He then dragged a giggling Rachel with him in search of a room. Even as they walked away, she could hear the two boys continuing to whine and protest. She then caught sight of the real reason behind Puck's order. She squeezed his hand, laughing.

"How long do you think it'll take them to realize that the guards are already cleaning up the mess?"

"Knowing those two, probably by the time we wake up from our nap."

"Our nap?"

Puck raised an eyebrow. "I realize that we're practically engaged now but there will be no defiling today. I'm injured and exhausted. So keep your grabby hands to yourself."

"You're such a jerk!" she smacked him on his good shoulder.

"But I'm yours."

"Yes," she kissed him gently. "And I'm yours."

No, this was not the way that she thought her story would end. In the beginning, she imagined sailing off into the sunset with Finn's arms around her and a sense of satisfaction that she would be viewed as a hero in Lima. When she was standing on that beach, what felt like months ago, she never imagined that the pirates she was begging for assistance from would come to mean so much to her. She never thought that she would willingly give everything up for this one in particular. And she knew without a shadow of a doubt that if she had to do it all over again with Puck not being a prince, she still would. She would always pick him. Because somewhere along the lines in the past two weeks, he became a huge part of her world.

This was not your typical fairytale ending but those stories were stupid anyway. Fairytales ended with the smart heroine eventually being bored to death by endless balls and meaningless social functions. Reality found Rachel challenging both her patience and her mind dealing with the restoration of Carmel and the random insane interactions and actions of the former pirate crew. Reality gave her a husband that loved her more than the sun and the stars but also drove her up the wall with his lack of self-preservation and devotion to the insane. They became the parents of three beautiful children with his eyes and her smile. Thankfully for both of them, only one of them inherited their father's proclivity for finding trouble.

But no matter how headache inducing it could all be, Rachel would look back at her life and know that reality was much better than her stupid fantasy life. She wouldn't trade a moment of her life for anything in the world. Although she could do without the day that Puck finally found his stupid sea monster. But even with the giant nightmare beast living in the moat in the back, Rachel got her prince and a love that lasted a lifetime.

* * *

><p>*Hope you all enjoyed! Until next time. Ciao for now.<p> 


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